Eight Days

Thurs/April 1Two new bodies—heh heh—of work by the incessantly name-dropped Tyler Stallings. Once we were all making shadow puppets in front of a projector whose slides had run out, and Tyler pretended his finger was his weenus. It was funny. Anyway, go see his new paintings at their opening reception, and eat Peter Blake's cheese. Heh . . . oh, never mind. 6-9 p.m. Peter Blake Gallery, 326 N. Coast Hwy., Laguna Beach, (949) 376-9994. Through April 22.

FriCheck out elegant bridal fashions, including wedding dresses and traditional Vietnamese Ao Dai,at My Big Fat Vietnamese Wedding. Performances include Vietnamese singers and a DJ spinning new wave and '80s dance music—all that for just $25 ($20 presale)! That's way better than the InStylepeople at the Balboa Bay Clubthis weekend; the InStylers want to mug you for $50 to $60 per person because, clearly, you're not already spending enough on your goddamn wedding. Call for time. Majestic Night Club, 18582 Beach Blvd., Huntington Beach, (714) 963-1089 or (714) 719-4311. Sat I'll be at the Grand Central Art Centerfor the opening reception of the Painter of Light™, with Thomas Kinkade: Heaven on Earth. Why? Because it's funny watching all the serious artists' heads explode. 7-10 p.m. Cal State Fullerton Grand Central Art Center, 125 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 567-7233; www.grandcentralartcenter.com. Open Tues.-Wed. & Sun., 11 a.m.-4 p.m.; Thurs.-Sat., 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Sun So when the Master Chorale presents Music for Passionweek, that means Roxy Music, yes? Maybe George Michael's "Father Figure"? Me, I always liked to do it to Ravel's "Bolero"—it's a great way to mix a little pretentious in with your sexy. Or maybe they're talking about soprano Sarah Kaufold, contralto Maureen Hawk Turkand organist Duane Steadman performing Pergolesi's "Stabat Mater." 4:30 p.m. Call for ticket prices. St. Andrews Presbyterian Church, 600 St. Andrews Rd., Newport Beach, (714) 628-4828. Mon The Advanced Writers Workshop. Hey! You know who's an advanced writer? Me! Rebecca Schoenkopf! And that's why I don't go to workshops. 7 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 26751 Aliso Creek Rd., Aliso Viejo, (949) 362-8027. Tues Yes, yes, yes!Designer Tommy Hilfigercelebrates the exclusive launch of H Hilfiger—I believe that's his new line for "Homos"—with a full runway show. Please be sure to ask him if his daughter Ally has yet met her destiny of writing an article for Teen to help the starving people of Ethiopia. Also, ask him if he's happy with that Lamborghini thing (Maserati? Ferrari? Razor scooter?) that he bought even though he didn't really like it, all because Ralph Lauren was getting one. Oh, and point out to him that his entire staff was ready to jump under a bus when Ally and the less-fat one gave some "feedback" and shredded the entire season's line. Tell him to explain to his daughter the merits of the "praise sandwich." Oh, and there's an after-party at the Concorde. 6:30 p.m. Free. Macy's West South Coast Plaza, 3333 Bristol St., Costa Mesa, (714) 556-0600. Wed Swing by The Sci-Fi/Fantasy Reading Group. They're discussing Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land. Yeah! Go, and tell 'em for me that when I was 11, I especially liked when he left the blue handprint on the breast of his Magdalene. That was superhot! Grok it! 7 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 7777 Edinger Ave., Huntington Beach, (714) 897-8781. Thurs/April 8 Rich Fauno tickles the ivories at Villa Nova, playing jazz, blues and standards. Doesn't that sound nice? It would be even nicer if you didn't have to hang out with the rich drunks at the Villa Nova bar. Pretend they're performance artists and you paid for the privilege of watching them. 9 p.m. 3131 W. Coast Hwy., Newport Beach, (949) 642-7880.