EIGHT DAYS

You know what this is gonna be like? When Republicans —think Jim Belushior Bruce Willis—try to play the blues. Dude: pain. 8:30 p.m. $17. Brea Improv, 120 S. Brea Blvd., Brea, (714) 482-0700; www.improv.com or www.rightstuffcomedy.com.

What about now? Is Friends over now? How about . . . now? Well, maybe this lecture will be over in time for you and your fat, Friends-watching ass to get home and let the laugh track lead you. If not, you'll be stuck asking Frank Zimring "Is Criminal Justice Important?" I think his answer will be yes! Anyway, he discusses why criminal punishment should be considered critically important to defending human rights. Whoa, there, Mr. Russia! Over here, we've got a little thing called the Bill of Rights that you can pry from our cold dead hands! (Please don't kill me.) 6 p.m. University Club, UC Irvine, Campus & W. Peltason drs., Irvine, (949) 824-7181.