Yeah! I was even listening to Dr. Laura the other day, and she said how she thought the 1950s were such a wonderful time. And I'm thinking, "You're such a cunt, you would." You know? "You would think it was a fucking great time when everybody was in the closet and black people knew not to shit in the same toilet as you." Jesus, yeah, that was a great fucking time!
Okay. So let's say you meet this guy who really does it for you . . .
Okay, talk me through this . . .
And it's perfect, and, say, he has a job he can do from anywhere, and he can relocate and doesn't feel emasculated by your fame . . .
That is SO important!
You have this guy, and you have to buy one of these three Valentine's Day gifts—and you CAN'T choose death as a way to get out of it.
A "Bear Hugs" custom mug with "an adorable bear couple caught in a loving embrace" wrapped around a mug that says, "Love Grows When Two Hearts Share". . .
That makes me sick.
A "beautifully sculpted keepsake Lucite block" that says, "All I Need" with "beveled edges and a heart mosaic design surrounding a loving, poetic verse" . . .
You're going to hell.
Or a "Message in a Bottle at Sea—a creative and romantic vessel that carries your heartfelt thoughts to your special someone in a 7 1/2-inch bottle."
This is so gross. I guess I would have to take the heart-shaped Lucite block.
And your loving inscription?
"Hurt Me, And I'll Kill You in Your Sleep."
Concrete Blonde perform at the Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600. Sat., 8 p.m. $29.50. All ages.