By Adam Lovinus
By Lilledeshan Bose
By Gabriel San Roman
By Rachel Mattice
By Stephanie Zacharek
By Daniel Kohn
By Nate Jackson
By Mike Seeley
Yeah! I was even listening to Dr. Laura the other day, and she said how she thought the 1950s were such a wonderful time. And I'm thinking, "You're such a cunt, you would." You know? "You would think it was a fucking great time when everybody was in the closet and black people knew not to shit in the same toilet as you." Jesus, yeah, that was a great fucking time!Okay. So let's say you meet this guy who really does it for you . . .
Okay, talk me through this . . .And it's perfect, and, say, he has a job he can do from anywhere, and he can relocate and doesn't feel emasculated by your fame . . .
That is SO important!You have this guy, and you have to buy one of these three Valentine's Day gifts—and you CAN'T choose death as a way to get out of it.
Uh-oh.A "Bear Hugs" custom mug with "an adorable bear couple caught in a loving embrace" wrapped around a mug that says, "Love Grows When Two Hearts Share". . .
That makes me sick.A "beautifully sculpted keepsake Lucite block" that says, "All I Need" with "beveled edges and a heart mosaic design surrounding a loving, poetic verse" . . .
You're going to hell.Or a "Message in a Bottle at Sea—a creative and romantic vessel that carries your heartfelt thoughts to your special someone in a 7 1/2-inch bottle."
This is so gross. I guess I would have to take the heart-shaped Lucite block.And your loving inscription?
"Hurt Me, And I'll Kill You in Your Sleep."Concrete Blonde perform at the Galaxy Concert Theatre, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana, (714) 957-0600. Sat., 8 p.m. $29.50. All ages.