Americas Sweetheart

Sex fantasies of a Gravy Train

I think so, just like he would back up anal sex. Because it's not real sex, like anything that wouldn't cause us to procreate. And also, I would like to use this opportunity to make a call for a Valentine—I don't mean a traditional Valentine, but just someone to take my ass virginity.

You must be the only Catholic for miles who still has their ass virginity. I thought that went on prom night.

I'm waiting for that perfect person. And the perfect moment. Preferably draped over a car or something.

What kind of car?

The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile would be my top choice. Any man that could arrange that—I'd be ruined for anyone else in the world.

You really are America's sweetheart.

I know.

Gravy Train performs with the Mae Shi, Willpower and the Lipstick Pickups at Koo's, 540 E. Broadway, Long Beach. Sat., 8 p.m. $6. All ages.
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