Letters

The Year in Your Hateful Letters

Fuck you, OC Weekly! What happened to you? . . . I was doing fine until I turned to a photo of a nude guy [performance artist Tim Miller] with his flesh Lexus staring me in the face . . . Given OC Weekly's anti-Christian bias, I wasn't surprised to find an article suggesting that hate-crime allegations against Lord Morder were unfair . . . I found it offensive and distasteful but quite typical of the articles written by [Gustavo] Arellano . . . Ultimately, all irreverence can be found to lean in one political direction or another. "Whose ox is gored?" . . . We were all a little disappointed (and drunk) . . . To the f&#k'n douche bag who scribbled, "The guy who is now dead" . . . To OC Weekly: Great job! Successfully making people vomit over your toilet-tissue paper . . . I don't have a problem with law-abiding people owning or carrying guns, not even if the people with them are practicing an unnatural lifestyle . . . I've been friends with Lord Morder since 1999. While not a Christian, he's definitely not Satanic . . . Your article inspired me to finally begin reading Atlas Shrugged . . . Please check your sources and spank Rich Kane repeatedly . . . Do you mean you feel the need to draw gravity-defying bikinis, yet let some guy's schlong run free during my lunch?... I am writing this letter on behalf of George W. Bush and his policies regarding war and the economy and—oh, hell, I can't fake it anymore . . . Have I used enough words to describe that guy's wang? Am I preoccupied with peenie? Does this mean I'm gay? . . . the "musicians' choice" store you speak of has always been filled with dense idiots [and] commandeered by pretentious assholes . . . Maybe it's just me, but did anyone else notice bold and probing OC Weekly reporter Gustavo Arellano caving in like a cheap suitcase? . . . You used to be on the edge of it all, but now you're all a bunch of politicians yourselves . . . When I go to a Social Distortion show at the Mouse of Blues and wedge myself into a small hole jacked with 12-Steppers dressed like my grandparents and hear someone say "punk rock," I ask myself, "Where's a terrorist when ya need him?" . . . Gustavo Arellano is an idiot . . . Have you ever heard people say that OC is full of meatheads? Well, that's because it's true . . . Hey, how 'bout you guys write on where to go for free or close to free? 'Cuz I'm one poor Mexican . . . The two faggots who helped the mothers recall Nativo Lopez . . . I can just picture Flynn with that brick in hand ready to smash it in the face of the female playwright. Fucking women, bitching about the world bringing them down. I pictured the blood oozing down her fucking face. Flynn, we should hang out . . . What he does not mention is that he usually came to work stoned and would often fall asleep if not given something to do . . . I really like it when you guys post those pics on the front page of fine women with nice boobs . . . What the fuck is up with that? Fuck, man. World War III is starting . . . I mean, have you no shame? . . . Hey, who among you got the brilliant idea to rip off The Onion? . . . Everyone's happy . . . P.S. I was fifth-grade spelling champion of Tustin . . . I didn't know Doug Pinnick was a homosexual . . . Your in-depth description of another co-worker's bathroom habits was repulsive . . . What? You actually measured the size of the turd as well as the stink? . . .I read your "Ass Bandit" letter and had to laugh . . . OUCH!! . . . Hey, Ass Bandit. Quit leaving your feces all over the toilet . . . Now here is a question for you, Jim. How irritating is it to know that all the protests in the world have no effect on the situation? Burn a little? Good . . . Fuck the Flash Express . . . Score: Kooshian 1, Gays 0. So, what's the big deal, you ass fucks? Get AIDS and die! . . . What can I say about Dave Barton's "Anti-War Fun"? While I can't argue with his impeccable, common-sense suggestions, his tone is so condescending and vitriolic I'm tempted to buy a flag and give war a chance . . . Please, for the love of all humanity, do not let Gustavo Arellano write for your paper anymore . . . Thanks for being there, OC Weekly, now more than ever . . . Like most of your writers, Richard Goldstein suffers from acute tunnel vision . . . Anthony Pignataro's reporting sucks . . . Gustavo Arellano's cover story was the biggest piece of junk I have ever read . . . For someone who has the title of senior editor, I am amazed at Steve Lowery's lack of professionalism . . . Commie Girl! Don't be that gal! . . . We understand from the infamous Joel Beers that you look like a hot version of a much younger woman . . . Using your vernacular, our bouncers would rather be the Fucker than the Fuckees (on that note, no one deserves Joel Beers) . . . I never did trust that thin-lipped guy with a red face that made him look like he was ready to explode . . . This style of slanderous reporting is what gives the media a bad reputation . . . I have to run outside to tie a purple ribbon to the stop sign to bring awareness to the affliction of Simple Chronic Halitosis . . . What a crybaby! . . . You guys are so full of smug self-importance that you don't even see the irony . . . I read Jim Washburn's latest hatred toward Israel . . . In reply to a recent article taking me to task for not responding to the Weekly's messages: I'll be more responsive when you begin to take facts seriously . . . Is Nick Schou a journalist or hit man for hire? . . . Tell you what: I'll write an article and I'll be just as contriving and petty as Lowery . . . As the surfers say, "You shoulda been here yesterday." . . . He said, "You don't break up with your girlfriend here. You just lose your place in line." I don't think I've ever heard anything in a bar so funny or profound . . . I found Anthony Pignataro's [article] a prime example of bad, libelous and misinformed journalism . . . A whole paragraph on the FCC ruling. A whole paragraph! Are you sure that didn't take away space from more important porn ads? . . . Here at Nippies, we do not "promote surgically enhanced, over-exercised, consistently binged and purged exoskeletons" . . . Why go to war, you ask? Simple. Because it was the right thing to do. So sorry you disagree. Sucks being a minority, doesn't it? Here's some cheese for your Bordeaux . . . The letter I sent regarding the lack of coverage on the FCC decision was not meant to be taken literally; that is, I don't jerk off to ads in the back of the Weekly . . . Dave Wielenga, you're everything that is wrong with human life . . . I've no problem with porn or nude ladies . . . Hey, this is Jill-Michele from MADtv. A friend of mine sent me your write-up on the funniest female contest that I hosted. I don't appreciate your nastiness . . . Will Swaim, I saw your photograph in the OC Weekly a few weeks ago. I gotta tell you that I was shocked. I pictured you as a mid-to-late-30s fat and balding guy who wears T-shirts that are two sizes too small, exposing his slightly hairy but definitely too-large belly, and is continually trying to grow a mustache that only ends up looking like you just drank a milk shake . . . Commie Girl, I just wanted to thank you for your unbiased opinion on us convicted felons . . . I can't really get my mind around the "Find the Mexican" routine. Is this kind of troglodyte racism funny now? . . . This article seems to be nothing but sour grapes on the part of Pignataro . . . I live in Irvine, and I don't care about any of that crap . . . I'm from Long Beach, not Orange County. So, I'm sorry, but I guess there aren't any kids from OC to give "hope for this place for at least a few more days" . . . WE CARE ABOUT WHETHER WE GET BANG FOR THE BUCK! . . . Hello, Gustavo Arellano, a.k.a. Mr. Esoteric . . . As a Mexican American, I would be embarrassed to be seen with a person like you . . . I wonder if YOU ever had a problem in your life—and then had THE GUTS to seek help for it like Stevie Nicks did . . . Let's see, Commie Girl, in your world Bob Hope dies and Kobe Bryant gets off the hook because he cheated on his SATs . . . Good point. Pinhead! . . . Can somebody get Rich Kane something for his crankiness? . . . Oooh, did the big, bad, mean-looking people scare the widdle music critic? . . . Look, bitch, that article was totally messed . . . What a bitch, man! Screw you, Stacy Davies! You frickin' sleezeball, damn! . . . Shame on Steve Lowery and shame on OC Weekly for letting him write that thing about Kobe Bryant never sexually assaulting anyone on a basketball court "if you don't count the time he dunked over Yao Ming" . . . Four words: Commie Girl for governor . . . Someone should tell Gustavo Arellano that when a small group of Latinos gets into an argument with a small group of Marines, and then returns with a much larger group of Latinos with knives, that is referred to as a gang . . . I have to agree with Aldo Gutierrez that Gustavo is lacking a real education . . . The fact that Jim Washburn, Steve Lowery and Rick Perlstein are all crying like little girls about the recall means it MUST be a good thing . . . While out in Orange County I picked up your publication and noticed an article. Below is part of the first paragraph: "If I had Randy Newman's dough, juice and talent, I would spend my days in my secluded mansion, counting money, polishing my Oscar and trying to figure out how to suck my own dick." I must tell you that I found this writing offensive . . . Fuck you and your shitty little paper . . . Hello from Finland! . . . Again I'm stunned at the lack of credibility and the persistent and unnecessary crassness of your reviews . . . I (like so many others) keep bending over and hoping you don't fuck me again. But all too often you do, without even the courtesy of a reach-around . . . I am happy to know that for you left-wingers racism is acceptable as long as it is a liberal who is racist . . . I feel sorry for you, Rebecca Schoenkopf. You obviously "don't get" Clay, and that is really too bad . . . I would say you pretty much insulted everyone . . . Who do you think you are to be calling people fat and gay? . . . What planet are you from? . . . You must have had a terrible childhood . . . Your writing disgusts me . . . Can you imagine the world full of people like you? It would be a sad place . . . Were you possibly a little high on drugs/alcohol and thereby couldn't really pay attention? . . . I'm 24, and I'm not fat . . . If your aim was to piss people off—congratulations . . . I RESENT YOU IN THE WORST WAY . . . The only thing worse than people who like someone who sucks is someone who must defend that same wussy singer in order to make themselves feel better. Where were the complaints about her dissing Ann Coulter? Coulter sucks more than Clay . . . I had a very scary dream last night. I dreamed that I picked up a copy of OC Weekly, something I rarely do, and a brilliant writer by the name of R. Scott Moxley had crafted a remarkable piece explaining why Tom McClintock should be our next governor . . . So Moxley thinks we should all vote for Tom McClintock because McClintock has principles? His principles include intolerance of almost anyone not white or straight . . . On a wholly unrelated note, doesn't Cruz Bustamante sound like the narrator of a '70s sex-ed film? . . . I'm curious about one of Moxley's comments on Schwarzenegger: What exactly is your problem with his practice of group sex? . . . Your recent cover with Arnold Schwarzenegger that read "Welcome to California! Now Show Us Your Tits!" is not only disrespectful, but also shows a total lack of class . . . Before I just thought the OC Weekly was a worthless rag; now I know it. Go to hell . . . This is the best cover you have ever run. I think you have created the new state motto . . . Shameful, just shameful! . . . Wow, was I unoffended . . . Rebecca Schoenkopf, in a racist fit, says that Germans "blow." In case she hasn't looked at the clock, World War II is over . . . Matt Coker's coverage of this story, replete with banjos and farming equipment, was both vile and malicious . . . Please shut the fuck up . . . As for those downloadable sexual-consent forms, let's hope the website has one for Kobe Bryant. If he's convicted, he'll need one for his new roommate . . . Wally George had what few polemicists do: a sense of humor . . . You have a wonderful journalistic ability to answer a letter to the editor and call a regular reader a "douche" at the same time. You are certainly a deep thinker and a great debater . . . I want you to know how inoffensive and wimpy your cover was this week . . . First Buddy Seigal writes about the greatness of the Righteous Brothers. Bam, one of them bites the big unchained melody. Next, he covers Simon and Garfunkel at the Anaheim Pond. Suddenly the show is canceled due to a sick Paul. Maybe Seigal should cover the Sugar Ray show at the House of Blues on New Year's Eve . . . Perhaps Coker will think the following is funny also: as a Jew, I'd like to rip your fucking head off . . . Personally, I don't know much about no priest sex crimes but I think it's cool that there is an image of Jesus in a state of erection . . . Good-bye, good riddance, and fuck you very much!

 
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