The Funk of 40,000 Years

I cant resist the power of Quans Club Thriller

"Tell me about it."

My stint as a walking fashion faux pas left me feeling a little less than energized, but, regardless, on Thursday I decided to skip over to Macy's in South Coast Plaza for On Impulse!, a fund-raising fashion-show benefit for the Newport Beach Film Festival. Now, after a night spent feeling like a Midwestern schoolmarm, you'd think that I'd be primed to learn a few lessons about haute couture. And I was! Except that I simply couldn't resist the lure of drinking free Bacardi Vanilla pineappletinis while surrounded by hundreds of thousands of dollars in killer clothing. (Macy's? Killer? Believe it, sister.) So Sarah and I ditched the model-watching—even they looked a bit bored—and headed for the hosted bar to get sauced. But you know what I like more than drinking for free? Drinking for free while getting a free makeover! As Sarah and I sat rosy-cheeked and with our eyes closed, Steph from Paula Dorf cosmetics transformed us into fresh-faced—albeit still sauced—beauties and tried to sell us on Transformer, a special goop that turns any eye shadow into liquid eyeliner. I didn't purchase any, but I might just have to for next week's Thriller. You know. Just so I can show Lauren and Shandra who's bad.

This week, if you're not staying in on Thursday evening, watching football, eating turkey and pretending to enjoy Grandma Bessy's candied yams, then have a blast trying to find a bar that's open—with people inside. Then, keep the gluttony alive on Friday and head over to Club Uniquefor a set by DJ Mark. Bow Wow Wow, originators of that Apache glam look you've been trying to perfect, roll into the House of Blues on Saturday, followed by a nu jazz/bossanova set from Kristina Band Daniel Brenner at Kitsch Bar on Sunday. And since nobody e-mailed me with suggestions on how to spend a Monday night in Orange County, I'll tell you how I'm going to spend mine: at the Stephen Malkmus show up at the El Rey. But since everyone knows that LA is, like, so over, on Tuesday you should check out Club Dancehall at Hogue Barmichael's before toasting to Mr. Jackson with me at Club Thriller on Wednesday. You can bet your ass that I'll look better than you this time.

My favorite movie is Pretty in Pink! Invite me out! egriley@ocweekly.com

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