Patriots Travel Package

Waving a flag and a sign with the president's picture is so pre-war. Thanks to the Weekly's special Patriot's Travel Package, you can put yourself deep in the shit for as little as $6,000! Your trip begins with a British Airways flight from LAX to London for a one-night layover before continuing on to Queen Alia International Airport in the beautiful city of Amman, Jordan. Price tag: $1,010 for an economy seat, but we recommend first-class for an extra $12,530. Once in Jordan, your Middle Eastern paradise waits—as does an SUV convoy to sweep you off into Iraq and the war-torn city of your choice. This is the preferred transportation of journalists and aid workers; local taxi drivers will act as your concierge where negotiating is concerned. Your convoy will cost you about $1,335 a week per SUV, gasoline included. Baghdad Highway 30-East out of Amman will take you straight through the arid Badiyat Ash-Sham desert to the Iraqi border where it turns into Highway 10. From there you have two choices—speed or scenery. Highway 1-South runs into the heart of Baghdad. Because the U.S. State Department has deemed this road extremely dangerous, you're guaranteed a wild ride. Beautiful (and safer) Highway 8-North takes you over the Euphrates River, not once, but twice! Bear in mind, however, that there probably aren't any bridges; this may postpone your arrival. U.S. State Department officials suggest keeping your eyes peeled for landmines hidden in plastic bags, soda cans, and even dead animals. Once in Iraq, welcome! You have officially become the enemy! In Baghdad, you'll be booked at the regal al-Rashid Hotel, conveniently located inside the Iraq Convention Center across from the U.S. Embassy. It's a prime location for real troop support. Rates are subject to frequent change. Keep in mind that Iraqi law is now your law. Curfew in Baghdad is 11 p.m. to 4:30 a.m., but sleeping during those hours is not suggested. Always keep your belongings packed should you need to make a temporary escape. Bring U.S. currency: in addition to your profound desire to spread democracy, it's all you'll really need.