Less than Zero

Looking for Andrew McCarthy

This space was supposed to include a Q&A with Andrew McCarthy, former Brat Packer and the star of the new, indie musical comedyAnything But Love. But at the last minute, Andrew's "people" called to very apologetically inform us that the actor had backed out of doing interviews for the film—leaving us with some column inches to fill in a hurry. Thinking quickly, we decided to just go ahead and publish the questions we would have liked to ask Andrew, had he not been too busy trying to getWeekend at Bernies III up and running to deign and speak with us.

OC Weekly: Did you salt away any of thatPretty in Pink money, or are you one more flop away from doing dinner theater in Boise?

Andrew McCarthy: [Silence]

Does Demi Moore still return your calls?

[Silence]

When you used to hang around with Demi and Kiefer and Judd, did you ever think, "Man, these people have some freaky-ass names"?

[Silence]

How much does it suck that Anthony Michael Hall grew up to look better than you did?

[Crickets]

Do you have a dartboard with Rob Lowe's picture on it?

[Nada]

Do you and the other Brat Packers ever get together to play poker and get drunk and grouse about the state of your careers, like those former child stars in Dickie Roberts?

[El silencio]

How many of the Brat Packers did you sleep with? Ever knock boots with Molly? Demi? Ally? Kiefer?

[Deafening silence]

When you were shootingThe Breakfast Club . . . Oh, you weren't inThe Breakfast Club? Sorry. I guess you get that a lot, huh? [Awkward laughter]

[Awkward silence]

Are you bitter that teenage girls don't mail you their panties anymore?

[Tumblin' tumbleweeds]

If somebody collected all of the coke the Brat Packers snorted in the '80s, how large of a dumpster would it fill? Are we talking about the standard, restaurant grade or those really big jobs they keep behind hospitals and prisons?

[Nuttin']

There's a question that has baffled man for decades, and it's one that you would perhaps be uniquely qualified to answer: Was Molly Ringwald hot or just really odd-looking? You made out with her. Are those lips less scary in real life?

[Unloose lips]

In September 2001, Harper Collins published a novel by Jenny Colgan called Looking for Andrew McCarthy about a thirtysomething, single lass who embarks on a quest to track you down in hopes that you, as one of the icons of her teen years, will be able to provide some answers to this riddle we call life. Did you know this book exists? Does it amaze you that anybody would publish such a thing? Seriously, now: Would even you read it?

[The riddle we call zip]

Does it bum you out that nobody ever plays "Six Degrees of Andrew McCarthy"?

[Six degrees of zippo!]

You starred in theWeekend at Bernie's pictures andMannequin. Can anything you do for the rest of your life save your soul from the everlasting fires of Hell?

[. . .]

Hmm. On second thought, maybe Andrewdid make the right call passing up this interview.

Anything But Love was directed by Robert Cary; written by Cary and Isabel Rose; produced by Isen Robbins and Aimee Schoof; and Stars Isabel Rose, Andrew Mccarthy and Cameron Bancroft. Now playing at Edwards South Coast Village, Santa Ana.

 
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