How to Write a Review for Rolling Stone

• Anything good is "crucial."

• A good guitar solo is "searing."

• A really good guitar solo is "blistering."

• A good vocal performance is "urgent."

• -A really good vocal performance is "angst-ridden."

• -The word "groove" shall be inserted into reviews of all black performers.

• Reference Britney.

• -Any artists with half-page or larger ads in the mag shall receive no less than a three-star rating in the same issue.

• -Familiarize yourself with rock & roll's expansive history, all the way back to Camper Van Beethoven.