By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
You know, it's getting harder and harder to get a proper rise out of people. Imagine it's five years ago, and Bill Clinton is the President of the Yewnited States. Imagine an old magazine interview is unearthed wherein he brags about his penchant for group sex, orgies and—you should pardon the expression—gangbangs. Gangbangs starring a woman of color, no less!
Now, how do you suppose the Moral Majority would have responded to that little nugget of smear-campaign heaven? Do you suppose they might have had a problem with it?
Well, now that the group-sex shoe is on the right-wing foot, it seems it's no longer an issue. Apparently, group sex is no longer scandalous. Apparently, group sex is now ho-hum, yesterday's news, don't matter so long as you give us back our car tax.
Hey, it's just group sex!
So that's pretty nifty, eh? The steady decline of this country into struck-down pillar-of-salt spells good news for you! It means those uptight religious busybodies—that is, anyone who isn't balling all their neighbors in a big old sweat-slicked orgy of effluvient group sex—have to get off your tail, man!
Just one problem remains. Where can you get some?
Aside from the Venice Gold's Gym?
We're glad you asked.
So far as we know, the best place to find you some honest-to-betsy group lovin' (okay, second to simply going on Google and typing "Orange County group sex") is right outside Laguna Beach's venerable gay club the Boom Boom Room. That's where couples of every stripe head when they're looking for a swingin' good time!
Whistling a happy tune, the no-longer-scandalous rent rooms at the seen-it-all Coast Inn; once they're armed and ready, they make their ways downstairs to no-longer-pervertedly accost anyone and everyone who might be innocently lurking on the sidewalk and minding their own business. (I've been hit on there three times while innocently lurking!) Then, once they've found a playmate, couples and groups get all no-longer-icky-but-still-non-monogamous back at the ranch. They shoot pornos there, too.Ewww!
Wait, I don't mean ewww, I mean USA! USA! USA!
So go ahead. Group sex and God bless America!