illustration by Bob AulThank you for the opportunity to fail your corporate personality test. It took me well more than an hour to respond to all of the items on your computer-administered test, and I have a couple of suggestions.
First, it would be helpful if people taking your test didn't have to listen to your employees carry on personal conversations for unusually long periods of time. It's very distracting. In my case, it was also painfully dull. These people not only don't have lives, but they also don't have work.
Second, consider spending 37 cents to mail me a form letter that tells me I'm not what your company has in mind. That'll make it appear that someone gave this some thought. It'll also have another helpful effect: the more blunt screen that pops up at the end of the test–"YOU HAVE NOT PASSED OUR TEST"? I mean, think about it: if you're screening for potential psychotics, is this the let-down you want to provide them when they're still sitting in your building?
Again, thank you for the opportunity to learn more about corporate personality tests and your company.
–AnonymousSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations –changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent–to "Hey, You!" c/oOC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.