Warriors, Come Out to Play

Holiday Brings Us to Our Knees

Every time I look at the evil twin I lose my burgeoning rhythm and gauchely almost fall. I envy everyone's ease. "Yeah, but they're all regulars!" boyfriend says. "They're all skating dorks." So what? What exactly is wrong with being a skating dork? I want to come back again and again and get good at this, like the trailer folk. "(You Spin Me) Right Round" comes on, and there's a nasty spill between one of the speed skaters and a friend of the hotties. Their friends all crowd around, for minutes, and the DJ shuts the music down. We cackle and whisper; they were all hopped up on the '80s music! We imitate angry parents suing Metallica. The next time an '80s song comes on, we look at each other fearfully. Nobody seems to crash into anyone else during the hip-hop.

The mural in the snack bar advises, "Let's Party!" Some little kids watch, patient, even though they're not allowed on the floor. But then Duran Duranstart up with "Rio" and I glide around feeling like a sexy junior high school girl who's all good at skating and stuff until I get a look at the evil twin's ass, which is sticking up in the air because she's bent over again, and I lose my mojo and almost fall. They make us skate counterclockwise then. It's unnatural!

We are gleefully in love and happy. At about 11:15, our feets hurting, we call it a night and happily bop out to the parking lot. By the time we get home 10 minutes later, I am furious and won't get out of the car.

I'm smoking right now, just to get this column finished, but then I'm throwing them away.

You know. Like a bad habit.

HOLIDAY SKATE CENTER, AT 175 N. WAYFIELD RD., ORANGE, OFFERS AN ALL-NIGHT SKATE, FRI., SEPT. 12, 7:30 P.M.-6:30 A.M. $20 GETS YOU ADMISSION, PIZZA AND DONUTS. HOW FUN IS THAT? CALL (714) 997-5283.

COMMIEGIRL99@HOTMAIL.COM

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