Episode 4

DATELINE: NEWPORT BEACH -- To get a true sense of what makes The O.C. characters tick, for this installment The O.C. Watch trekked from The C.M. all the way to The N.B., where we rented a beach house just on the other side of The S.A. River from The H.B. and The Feces. As we fretted over whether to go with a one piece or a bikini, The O.C. characters labored over what to wear to the year's biggest event, the 47th annual Newport Beach Debutante Cotillion.

Random comments from the peanut gallery huddled around our rented TV: when an African American federal agent walks into Sandy Cohen's office: "There's no black people in the O.C.!?!"; when the Cohens' borderline anorexic/model quality next-door neighbor Marissa shows off her cotillion dress: "She has really big hips"; when bad boy Chino transplant Ryan moves his hand near those hips: "He's got schmutz on his thumb."

Line of the week: "Are you saying I'm going to be making my debut into society with Newport's most wanted?" Pittsburgh transplant Anna Stern, Ryan's cotillion date.

The O.C. Fox. New episodes Tues., 9 p.m.; repeats Mon., 8 p.m.