Bitch, Bitch, Bitch: Episode 1

Based on Tuesday's premiere episode, Fox's new nighttime teen soaper The O.C. presents the worst depiction of a city in TV history. That city, of course, is Chino, home of troubled teen Ryan before kindly public defender Sandy Cohen transplants him to Newport Beach. Sure, Chino stinks like cow shit, is hotter than hell and is next to a maximum-security state prison. But Detroit it ain't.

Ironically, more talk leading up to the premiere was about how The O.C.negatively portrays our own Nouveau Riche. But the entrance to the gated neighborhood and exterior of the manse where the Cohens live look as if they were plucked from Newport Coast. Isn't just about every Newporter's next-door neighbor getting heat from the Securities and Exchange Commission these days? And teenage-testosterone receptacle Luke, who looks like an SC quarterback, drives a brand-new, jacked-up black pickup blaring hip-hop and carrying surfboards on its roof rack. Been around Corona del Mar High's parking lot lately?

As for knocks about the lack of diversity in the casting, come now: Rosie the Latina maid got a full 2 seconds of screen time.

Line of the week: "Suck it, queer."

Buzzword of the week: "Bitch." As his brother steals a car, he tells Ryan, "Quit being a little bitch! Get in!" "Bitch" is also featured in a hip-hop song that plays as the camera pans a living room where a high-school kegger rages. And as Luke is kicking the snot out of Ryan, he utters the now immortal words, "Welcome to the O.C., bitch. This is how it's done in Orange County."