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CONFIDENTIAL TO

The sorry excuse for a human being who pitched us a cartoon strip by using the catastrophe at the Santa Monica Farmers Market as an opening line: "I thought Florida had a problem with octogenarian drivers, but it appears that Santa Monica, California, has 'em beat. The Farmer's Market may be gone, but [name of lame cartoon which will never run in this paper] is still around, and going strong." That's nice. You know what's one thing that isn't going so strong? Your sense of basic human feeling or decency, wad. You're just another automaton who sees others' misery—whether it's car accidents or rape allegations—as a means to your own pathetic ends. Hey, next time why not throw in some stuff about AIDS-infected babies? Hilarious. Dude, what does it benefit a man to gain a syndicated cartoon deal only to lose his soul—oh, that's right, you don't have one.

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