Checklist, Please!

Illustration by Bob AulThe college graduation season concluded about two weeks ago only to make way for summer school, that pedagogic playground tussle pitting underachievers against overachievers inside sweltering classrooms for six weeks of videos. Such rigorous studies leave young students hungry, of course, so the following list should help county pseudo-scholars feed their food-hole after filling their minds with facts forgotten by fall semester's start.

•Shorehouse Café, 5271 E. Second St., Long Beach, 562-433-2266. Long Beach State students adore this venerable greasy spoon for its affordable menu, we-never-close hours, and a medical marvel called the hangover breakfast. Consisting of scrambled eggs and a limp hamburger patty, this humble hoagie mops up toxins better than Exxon's oil skimmer. •Off Campus PUB, 2736 E. Nutwood Ave., Fullerton, (714) 879-8094. Relationships bloom amid standard college pub grub like fries and chips-and-salsa, an outdoor dining area as barren as the 909, and a dance floor redolent of flowery industrial cleaner. Yet for Titans looking to score with smashed students of all genders and orientations, Off Campus Pub is their ass agora. •Papa Hassan's, 421 N. Glassell St., Orange, (714) 633-3903. Located on property Chapman University's avaricious trustees have coveted since forever, the Lebanese eatery treats Chapman's children-of-the-nouveau-rich student body with succulent shawermas largely wasted on its dunderheaded clientele. •ANTHILL PUB, Third floor of the UC Irvine Student Center, Campus and Pereira, Irvine, (949) 824-3050. Bucking the myth that UC Irvine students are straightedge geekoids, the Anthill Pub is this campus' supreme Skinner box for observing doctoral candidates working on the hypothesis that alcohol is medicine. So many brews gush from the taps in this tavern that a certain UCI administrator now supposedly responds to "Hey, Chug!" •LUKE'S CHICAGO PIZZA, 23411 Aliso Viejo Pkwy., Ste. M, Aliso Viejo, (949) 362-4060. Near Soka University, you want Luke's crispy pie—the best splinter of Chicago this side of Sammy Sosa's bat.