Vrooom!

Speedway revives our faith in humanity

Nope, I can't.

May I ask what you were in for?

Drugs.

Is it true that two-thirds of people inside are in for drug charges, and two-thirds of those are in for simple possession?

Yeah, it's true. I was in for simple possession.

For how long?

The last time was six and a half years for about a half a gram of methamphetamine.

Oh, my god! As a citizen of this country, I apologize. So I saw your NA jacket. How long have you been clean?

It'll be eight years on the 13th.

Happy birthday!

So although the guy supported the recall, he had a really good reason for doing so! I was terribly disappointed. We moved on to the fancy bleachers, and halfway up spotted seats reserved for the OC Weekly. We could have saved ourselves a cool $13.

The fancy, reserved bleachers aren't as much as fun as the trashier section. Should have known. But in front of us was a muttonchopped trucker from Bishop. I'll bet he's an idiot!

OC Weekly: Hi! Can I ask you for theOC Weekly if you care at all if weapons of mass destruction aren't found in Iraq?

Bishop trucker: I'm a Bush supporter, I drive a truck for a living, and I listen to a lot of talk radio. I don't think he has lied, but there has been a lot of misinformation out there. I think he was given misinformation; he can only know what he's told.

But do you think maybe he was given misinformation because the administration was pushing for evidence? Maybe they didn't say 'phony it up,' but it was like 'wink wink.'

Oh, no doubt about that. Definitely.

Are you faithful about voting? Do you think we should recall Davis for problems with the economy when nobody's trying to recall Bush for the national economy?

Yes, I vote. I tend to be very conservative, but I wouldn't vote for the recall.

Are you just saying that because it's what I want to hear?

No, not at all. Both of my kids just graduated from college, and they tend to be more liberal, but the one thing I've taught them is to know why, and to defend it and debate it.

Then, after helpfully explaining everything there was to know about bike racing, our new trucker friend watched my son for me while I went to smoke and didn't kidnap him at all. He was a swell conservative! But I was having a problem. Nobody was being stupid even a little! Everybody was all informed, and cared about stuff! I dragged my son off, bitching and whining, with two races to go—we'd been there for days. There were security guards in the parking lot. Last chance for stupid!

OC Weekly: Hi! Can I ask you for theOC Weekly what you think about the Gray Davis recall?

First guard: I don't care about that.

[Jackpot.]

Second guard: I think it's gonna be a waste of taxpayers' money. I'm not real pleased with him, but that's coming out of our pockets. How many millions will the election cost?

I've heard from $10- to $30 million.

First guard: Jesus!

Behind us, the cycles vroomed for America and Americans, proud and fat and freethinking. But although I'd stereotyped an entire (if very small) arena full of folk and found my conclusions wanting, my hope springs eternal. I bet if it had just been monster trucks instead, we would have found our idiots in spades.

CommieGirl99@hotmail.com

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