All you Ducks fans crying your eyes out because the Devils won the Cup? Blame yourselves. We warned you, but you rubes went ahead and pawed Lord Stanley's Cup when it was on display two weeks ago at the Block at Orange. Ignoring tradition (touching the Cup before you've won it brings bad luck), you rubbed its shiny silver finish and felt its many engraved names. You're bastards. Considering the team's depth and strength, the Ducks could take the title next year—if you people can restrain yourselves around the Cup. (Anthony Pignataro)
ABC's coverage of Stanley Cup Game 6 was shot through with Disney marketing—Kurt Russell doing a live Q&A from Vancouver where he's shooting Disney's take on the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team; Emilio Estevez, the Ducks' first coach, applauding parentally the Ducks' 5-2 victory. Worse were the drama-queen announcers. Watching the New Jersey Devils' John Madden during a break in play, they said his shiner and 16 stitches, products of Adam Oates' skate in Game 5, were evidence of Madden's "courage." No, no guys: refusing to wear a shield isn't brave, just stupid. (Will Swaim)
Following the Mighty Ducks' greatest season, we tip our helmet to the men most responsible for their creation. Mike Eisner? Hardly. The Ducks are a result of the star power generated in the late '80s when Kings owner Bruce McNall brought Wayne Gretzky to LA. The move created rabid interest in the sport and made the idea of a second SoCal team not only possible but desirable. Now, McNall is finally out of prison for a business scam, and Gretzky is captive to his ownership of the lowly Phoenix Coyotes and, worse, the presence of his mug on billboards pushing something called Power. The company sells cars, but who'd know? What's most noticeable is the hideous yellow shirt the Great One is wearing. It makes the Great One look more like the Sickly Splotchy One. It's called skin tone, people. Gretzky is clearly a spring; you've got him wearing a summer. This is the worst hockey-related fashion accessory since Barry Melrose's mullet and Marty McSorley's stick. (Steve Lowery)
Faster, you maggots!
The U.S. Marine Corps wants you to get dirty. This weekend, the World Famous Mud Run at Camp Pendleton will draw competitors from around the globe. Challenging obstacles, rugged terrain, water crossings and lots of mud—including the infamous mud pit—are all part of this 10K course. The event will be held twice this weekend: the Saturday version is full, but spots are still available on Sunday. Being an adult doesn't mean you have to forgo the joys of recreating in the muck. Camp Pendleton, 5 Fwy. & Harbor Dr., Oceanside, (760) 725-6836; www.camppendletonraces.com. Sun., 9 a.m. $40 per person. (Scott Giffin)