Drunks of a Different Color

And creed, and sexual orientation . . .

I chatted with a kindly woman who gave me the skinny on every drunk in the bar. She doesn't understand, for one, why the frigid blonde won't give Tan Man the time of day. He's been after her forever! And she's not getting any prettier! But she'll let him take her to dinner and buy her drinks! And he's a great guy!

As for the kindly woman herself, is she interested in Tan Man? Naah. She's a barfly. She's fat from drinking all the time. She ain't interested. But in her skinny days? Her daddy always said she was built like a brick shithouse.

My daddy says I'm the best kisser. Tony from Family Style writes in to tell me that his band of big Latino dudes at the Chili Cookoff in last week's column wasn't Hessian, unless you count Al Greenand Santanaas heavy metal. That's what I get for writing my dispatches from my Brooklyn apartment.

More important, though, he says the old lady we lauded as the most beautiful Miss Chile Pepperever was a big fat bigot! He even wrote a whole rant about it, which I won't quote, because I liked her "see-through fishnet shirt [that] actually looked like two dead fish were still trapped around her chest." The lady, Tony says, asked what kind of music they'd be playing, and when he said, "Motown," she asked, "Isn't that black music?" Yes, indeed!

Now, I wasn't there for this witty banter, but Tony was apoplectic by what he perceived as her casual racism when she said, "I like that Donna Summer."

"Donna Summer's not on Motown," he told her.

"But she is black," he says the lady said over her shoulder as she walked away (no doubt, hips a-wigglin').

Is that racism? Well, Donna Summer is black—adjective—even Donna Summer would say so! So I'm guessing there must have been something about her tone that sent Tony over the edge. But at least that old, dried lady didn't say Donna Summer is a black. Small favors.

Black like me!
« Previous Page