Diary of a Mad County

Man: Can I be honest with you?

Woman: What?

Man: Do you know how hard it is for me to hear you speak about other men?

Woman: Really?

Man: Yeah.

Woman: Let's go out to my car.


THURSDAY, May 22: Shawna Enyart is sentenced to 10 days in jail after she is convicted of playing her radio too loud. Blasting Black Sabbath? Kinda. Enyart cranked Christian programs in the morning and hateful mock-jock Laura Schlessinger in the afternoon. Her Garden Grove neighbors complained the radio was louder than a leaf blower and local police have responded to 34 complaints since 1999. Neighbors found the rantings of the hateful Schlessinger unbearable, given that she is completely lacking in human feeling—which means county officials will soon approach Schlessinger to head up their family services division … Disney announces it will be closing its Disney Stores. Millions scurry to find alternative locations selling $18 Simba sipper cups with faulty caps … Disney relinquishes control of the Angels to Arturo Moreno, who is presented to the media as team owner. The first thing the Arizona billboard magnate says he will do is lower beer prices. Unfortunately, the beer will be served in defective sipper cups.

FRIDAY, May 23: Attend horribly boring Angels game—Devil Rays 3, Angels 1—and see signs proclaiming that $8.50 beer has been lowered to $6.25. Stadium urinals do a brisk business.

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