Irk Day

SUV the Earth!

What Earth Day may have been lacking in hippies (I spotted all of two) and good music (aside from the aforementioned Suckas and The Moseleys, who were their usual delicious brand of train wreck, saying their song was loose, but they didn't need it tight; you've gotta be able to get more than a finger into a song, said they) and, oh, I don't know, anything green whatsoever, they made up for in treating the important people right. Free Krispy Kremes! Free Domino's! Free Buds! And if the organizers had gotten their way and persuaded the marketing division of a certain brand of sport-utility vehicle to sponsor it, hell, maybe they could have given away a big, polluting, offroading, ecosystem-destroying gas hog of a free SUV!

No, I'm not kidding. And no, I don't know on what planet Earth Day promoters try to link up with the next worst thing to a Hummer. (No, thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger!)

It was deathly hot, the asphalt on which we meandered radiating heat like Ninja throwing stars. There was nowhere to hide if you weren't mesmerized by Eve 6 and The Color Red. The booths had nothing to do with the environment at all (okay, one did; Save the Coyote Hills, yo!), even if we did like their cute, punk rock merch. But all of that went away once we got into the shade, and the breeze, and the couch, and the Budweiser. There were tons of kids backstage—notably 36-year-old juvenile delinquent Scott Tucker and young-at-heart Weekly theater editor Joel Beers, who said to please write that he's pining over somebody who thinks she's not good enough for him. I think he may have been drunk. So even though we ended up having a lovely time, please, please, please can we have Earth Day in a park next year?

* * *

I'm sure it had nothing to do with ending my period, but after 45 minutes of seeing pugs dressed in conical princess hats, dogs in chicken suits (it was, my boyfriend said, a bad dream), Pekingese in the most precious of lilac-encrusted garden-party hats, goldens in grass skirts, and dogs dressed like sheriffs and judges and brides and Easter bunnies at the Haute Dog canine costume contest and Easter Bonnet contest in Belmont Shore Sunday, I began to really, really like people again. Hooray!

* * *

Congratulations to Azteca's Chad and Anna and their new son, Hunter, who squeezed seven pounds, eight ounces of self right out of Anna's bod. Hooray!

* * *

And lastly, a public-service announcement!

From Bill, an investigator in the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control's El Monte office: "The law says that a person under the age of 21 cannot be drinking alcohol in a bar or restaurant or whatever. If you're 30 and don't have ID, we'd run you, ask your name and date of birth, see if you actually do have a driver's license and if all the information matches up. If it does, you'd be perfectly legal."

Hooray! Fuckers.
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