Still, I believe she stole her joke about crotch Pilates from me. It's cool, though. I'm a giver.

* * *

Though they usually are givers at Azteca, Saturday night, they were not. We popped in for the monthly Elvis Karaoke, and they now have cordless microphones! Have you any idea how much of a star you can be with a cordless mic—if the folk at Azteca weren't bizarrely player-hating? Sure, the Sting-looking guy who did James Brown's "I Feel Good"felt some love, and the cool little KJ who dueted with a great hair growl on Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses"had people happy, but mostly, if you tried to Celine Dion and emote all over the people in the front booths, they wouldn't even make eye contact! (At Quon's in Orange, people actually dance on the dance floor while you sing!) That is not karaoke love!!! People should be more drunk.

* * *

People should go have lobster at Sam's Seafood in Sunset Beach every Friday. It's $12.95, and it looks up at you from your plate like a little alien, and it gave up its life for you, just like Jesus.

Paco is a nice waiter.

* * *

The Lords of Altamont are also nice. They declined to set their organs on fire at Alex's Baron Saturday night. This could have something to do with the Great White Die-a-thon last month, or they might just be getting old and tired, like the original lords of Altamont.

* * *

Wait! Wait! Here's my impression of poor people! "Yo! I is all stinky and dirty, and I eats food out the garbage!"

Oh, that kills me! Funny hungry people!

Fat racists need not apply. Correction: Responding to my review of the Orange County Music Awards in last week's column, I've been corrected. Wonderlove lead singer Chris Paul Overall says the drink thrown at his head by Lary Spears at the OCMAs did not in fact hit him in the head, although from our front-table vantage, it looked like a direct hit. He couldn't really complain about the rest of it, though. Kisses!
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