Could It Be . . . Satan?!?

Leave it to the Chicano fascists at the anti-Semitic, gay-hating, Whittier-based La Voz de Aztlán website (www.aztlan.net) to use the Great White concert tragedy as an opportunity to link rock shows to satanic retribution. Writer Ernesto Cienfuegos assured readers in a Feb. 22 article titled "96 Burn at Drugs-Sex-Rock Concert From Hell" that Satan caused the carnage in retaliation for the United States' "immorality and its inequities." Just what are America's sins? La Voz doesn't specify, but judging from such previous articles as "Lesbians Insult la Virgen de Guadalupe" and "Zionists Threaten Freedom of the Press," this web journal probably thought too many kikes and fags were at the show. Trumping even Tipper Gore for sonic sanctimony, Cienfuegos goes on to sputter that metal concerts "are nothing more than Satanic rituals. The audiences, in most cases, are exhorted to rape and murder in the name of Satan." As proof of devilish infiltration of the Great White gig, La Voz included three pictures taken from footage of the event that they claim show a demon appearing within the inferno, a floating skull with the lower half of its jaw missing, and a "ghostly arm" reaching for Great White singer Jack Russell. One problem with La Voz's paranormal powers: a close examination shows the "demon" is little more than the out-of-control fire; the "skull" is a man's poorly dyed hair; and the "ghostly arm" belongs to a fan, not a phantom. Hey, you La Voz pendejos: Hitler called—he wants his irrational paranoia back in the hands of whitey. (Gustavo Arellano)

BENEFIT BLURBING
Joe Schwab, a member of local bands Daisy Gunn and Plasticville, has had a recurrence of seminoma, a form of cancer, and the rather nasty chemotherapy he's being treated with leaves him with nausea and fatigue so severe he has been unable to work. But Schwab has lots of friends, so to help him with his living expenses, they've organized a benefit show for him on March 13 at the Detroit Bar, with music supplied by bands Arraya and the Blue Whales, along with DJ sets from Mike Torribio, Erin B and Sad Peacock. (Schwab himself will not be at the benefit, as the chemotherapy he's on makes him highly susceptible to infections.) All proceeds from the night will go to Schwab's benefit fund. More details about Schwab and his condition can be found at www.cm500.com, and donations can also be mailed to the Joe Schwab Benefit Fund, 2973 Harbor Blvd., Ste. 111, Costa Mesa, CA 92626. (Rich Kane)
McGrath: Pussy
SURF'S UP
Amazing the crap we find whilst perusing the Net during the commercial breaks of Are You Hot? The Search for America's Sexiest People. Like the exquisite photo of a teenaged, lipsticked, bandannad Lit, back when they were know as Razzle: glimpse them in all their hair-farming, cock-rocking glory at www.metal-sludge.com/ExposedLit.htm. Then we hopped over to Pollstar, where we discovered—nothing confirmed, though, mind you—that this year's local Warped Tour stop might be in Long Beach July 9; that the Ozzfest should be going off July 5 at the Glen Helen Blockbuster Pavilion; and that the bands booked so far for this summer's Orange County Fair include such dinosaurs as Poco, the Little River Band, the Doobie Brothers, Rick Springfield and Blue Oyster Cult (uhhh, weren't the bands supposed to be getting better, with the increased entertainment budget and all?). But then we happened upon the "Sex Reviews of Rock Stars" link on the www.gossiplist.com site, where we found this juicy bit about Sugar Ray superstud Mark McGrath: "I heard he's average but likes to have the girls urinate on him. I guess that gives a whole new meaning to Golden Boy. A very big slut." And for shits and giggles, this grotesquely misspelled bit on Metallica drummer/former Newport Beach resident Lars Ulrich: "Lars is about six inches and has a HOODED MONK, meaning he's uncircumcized! He's a quick shooter and likes multiple girls. He's also fond of blow [what a shock] and that might result in his MONK not wanting to come out and play. And he constantly talks. Shut the fuck up already! Also, he's loosing his hair, but that's another chart." (RK)
 
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