For the 52nd State

Illustration by Bob AulWith our syllable-challenged prez determined to make Iraq the 52nd state after Afghanistan, what foods will our newly liberated Iraqi pals get to enjoy, once free from Saddam Hussein's mustachioed tyranny? Why, classic American cuisine, of course. Say goodbye to those kebabs and baklava, and say hello to double-fried chicken fingers and chocolate-brownie-fudge cake. With estimates of the impending U.S. occupation of modern-day Babylon running anywhere from $50 billion to $200 billion, we think some of those inflationary greenbacks should go to supporting American eats abroad. With any luck, the Iraqis will one day have asses just as wide as ours! (Probably not, but let 'em dream, baby.) In the meantime, here's hoping war proves unnecessary, and the Iraqi people get to live in peace, freedom—and their old pants.

•JOHNNY ROCKETS, 71 Fortune Dr., Irvine, (949) 753-8144. Did you know there are Johnny Rockets in Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates? They also have them in Irvine, Laguna Beach and Orange. Could Baghdad be next? If so, they'll get to enjoy a Rocket Double with chili fries and a chocolate-peanut butter shake, $15. •CEDAR CREEK INN, 384 Forest Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 497-8696. (Also in Brea and San Juan Capistrano.) Meatloaf with garlic-mashed potatoes ($12.95), but no mac and cheese. •BLAKE'S PLACE CAFÉ, 2901 E. Miraloma Ave., Anaheim, (714) 630-8574. Pit-smoked beef ribs—just the way Dubya likes 'em—with barbecue beans, cole slaw and garlic bread ($8.95 per plate). Dessert? Banana pudding ($1.95). •THE ROCKIN' TACO CANTINA, 111 N. Harbor Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 525-8226. If Saddam could hang here, put on a cheap sombrero, and down their El Macho burrito with ground beef and cheese ($9.25), the dude might just throw in the towel. •PHILLY'S BEST, 18691 Brookhurst St., Fountain Valley, (714) 968-2448. (Several other locations countywide.) Iraqis will go nuts for their signature Philly cheese steak with sweet peppers and mushrooms ($5.55). Add a bag of Wise potato chips (99 cents), and they'll welcome our GIs with open arms. Uh, we hope.