Confessions of a Dangerous Mime

Bonjour, mon cherie, it ees I, le mime, and I yam trés dangereus. How yam I trés dangereus? When you walk ze-long ze busy streeet, I sneeak up beehind and walk ze zame as you. Ze crowd points and laughs, but when you turn around, I yam still beehind you. Trés dangereus, no? Pairhaps you geeve chase to moi, but I eelude your capture by walking downstairs. But when you try to follow moi downstairs, you are deefeated. Why? Beecause there are no stairs! Zey are—how you say?—eenvisible. Go ze head, try to grab moi and—ZOCK RAY BLUE!!!—I yam totallee preetected inside moi's eenvisible box. Seee moi's hands pressing against ze eenvisible walls? You cannot geet moi, sillee fool. You cannot eeven find zout moi's true ideentitee beecause I yam not eeven French. I just use zeez acceent beecause, hell, eet seeems like all ze other mimes are French. I yam le mime dangereus!

—as told to Matt Coker