By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
By Charles Lam
Illustration by Bob AulWe saw you three wannabe, white-trash gangstaz arrive at our neighborhood beach—Crescent Bay in North Laguna—in a very distinctive auto, so we know which car was yours. Later that afternoon, as we left the beach, you sat on the rocks located by the stairs, using your body boards as shields to hide behind, as you scattered potato chips on the sand directly in front of you. As the innocent gulls approached to dine on your "offerings," you SLAMMED your boards down on top of the poor seabirds, causing them to squeal in pain!
I'm the guy who ran up and demanded you stop. I asked if you thought what you were doing was funny. The three of you began smartmouthing me to mind my own business. I asked you, "How would you like it if I simply kicked all three of your asses?" That shut you up instantly. Such tough guys!
We heard from others you continued your TERRORIST acts after we left. I should have followed through with my promise to kick all three of your asses. By the way, are you wondering who smashed your front windshield and pissed in your car? Think about it. And don't ever visit Crescent Bay again.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/o OC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at email@example.com.