APODACA, PAUL Chapman sociologist Apodaca infuriates simple minds with devastating logic and enlightens the enlightened even further. Seeing him in action, you're taken back to the time of Socrates—without the pederasty, of course. But what makes Apodaca incredible is his story. The man never got a B.A., yet UCLA accepted him into graduate school based on his longtime work as a curator and researcher of Native American art at the Bowers Museum. He didn't disappoint: in 18 months, the man received his M.A. in American Indian studies and his Ph.D. in folklore and mythology. Now that's smart.

See also: Pants, Smarty; Guys Who Will Never Be President of the United States ARGENTINE ROCK EN ESPAÑOL FANS Carajos: we understand that your country has suffered some of the worst political repression of the past 20 years. We feel horrible about the current economic problems that are forcing many of your countrymen to migrate to this county. And we admire the fact that despite all of these distractions, Argentina produces some of the best Latin alternative acts in the world and that many of them (Bersuit Vergarabat, Los Auténticos Decadentes, Enanitos Verdes) frequent OC. But none of this gives you an excuse for being the snottiest bunch of fans since Bruce Springsteen's legions, all dressed up in your cleanly pressed and recently disgraced national soccer jerseys and your clean-cut hair and clean-and-pressed pretty boy/girl looks. You're all so, you know, clean. See also: Teddy Boys; New Romantics; Emo Kids; Anyone Attending a Sheryl Crow Concert ARGYROS, GEORGE LEONOrange County's version of Jeb Clampett—only less sophisticated—began at the bottom of the economic ladder and moved his way up to the top by ripping off those who remained at the bottom. He snagged a plum ambassadorship from Dubya thanks to the mountains of cash he's given to the GOP over the years. ARTHUR'S COFFEE SHOP"Best Breakfast in Town," proclaims the sign out front, and they probably don't get too many arguments. While the food's good, the atmosphere is even better, like scenes from an unwritten Tom Waits song. Waitresses sport "OKIE SPOKEN HERE" T-shirts as they take orders from Korean War vets who have axle-grease stains on their well-worn Dickies. Blue-collar couples make camp at a corner table and complain about high taxes and the idiot politician of the moment. And everywhere you look, there's finely polished, simulated-wood-grain paneling plastering the walls, a hallmark of truck-stop chic. Arthur's serves real food for real people. 1281 E. La Habra Blvd., La Habra, (562) 691-7793. ARTISTS VILLAGESanta Ana arts corridor, where white people often fear to tread, has already had one casualty—the career and freedom of imprisoned Santa Ana City Councilman Ted Moreno, who solicited pay-to-play bribes to defeat the degenerate homosexuals who were taking over the city. ATLANTIS PLAYCENTER The Seussian sensibility—dragon slides, whale slides, giant clams, tethered sharks, seahorse swings—that is the best kids' park in Orange County, California, the United States, Upper Tajikistan . . . 9301 Westminster Ave., Garden Grove, (714) 892-6015.
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