Diary of a Mad County

FRIDAY, JULY 5 Anaheim resident Xavier Morales, 9, dies from a single gunshot wound mysteriously sustained during a July 4 fireworks show at Boisseranc Park in Buena Park. Shortly after Morales told his older brother he wasn't feeling well, he collapsed. It was then the chest wound was discovered. No one had heard a gunshot over the loud fireworks. It's assumed a gunman blocks or even miles away fired a celebratory shot into the air—apparently oblivious to Newton's Law of Motion. Meanwhile, a Santa Ana kid suffers facial wounds when a Piccolo Pete modified to fly blows up in his face. However, because the sale of "safe and sane" fireworks raises money for community groups, it's considered okay.

SATURDAY, JULY 6 We're flipping through the latest issue of New Scientist magazine when we spot an article that claims hormones in semen may help ease female depression. We immediately go into the female-depression-easing business. So how did researchers reach this startling conclusion? By noticing women who had sex with partners sans condoms were happier (at least until the discovery of that unwanted pregnancy or social disease). All of this brings to mind a joke we heard from a devout Christian years ago: How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her. You folks are beautiful. We'll be here all week.

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