I was dismayed to learn that you—Tim Carpenter, Orange County's answer to Gandhi—are leaving to spend what you call "Chapter Two" of your life in western Massachusetts. I'm sure The Orange County Register and Los Angeles Times will praise your 30 years of political activism. You've organized a buttload of prayer vigils, fund-raising concerts and protests—to help the homeless, abolish the death penalty, encourage nuclear disarmament, elect the unelectable, blah, blah, blah. They may mention that you were plugged into the Hollywood Left.
I'd like to ask a few questions before you pack up and blow.
You lived in Robert Blake's guest house in North Hollywood during his lean years after Baretta. It was pre-Bonny Lee Bakley, but did he ever bring out guns or talk about women? And what about Jackson Browne? He allegedly beat the shit out of Daryl Hannah. You knew him. He wrote all that self-pitying crap (all these years later, "Fountain of Sorrow" still has the power to make me wish I were deaf). What's up with Jackson? You convinced Bonnie Raittto play some benefit concerts here. Is it true she's a bitch? What did Anaheim Mayor Tom Dalysay after the night we took over his luxury box at Edison Field? We were ripped and rooting for the Oakland A's with no shame. Why exactly were we never invited back? You worked on the Jesse Jackson for President campaign for years, even organized for Jesse in Odessa, Texas—a town known for its Klan rallies. Yikes! Did Jesse ever bounce his love child on his knee when you were around? And what about the Great Peace March—the cross-country walkathon against nuclear disarmament that you helped pull together? Two weeks out, in the middle of the desert, the March ran out of supplies. Tell me, Tim, did you really go to Vegas and persuade Sammy Davis Jr.and Rodney Dangerfieldto write checks to keep the march alive? Another thing: you hung out with Tom Hayden, who, God love him, can be a real pain in the ass. Some would say Tom is seriously—really—anal. I'm just wondering: What on earth did Jane Fonda see in him? Of course we will always remember your irrepressible soul, your unflagging dedication, your perseverance, your heart of gold. But tell me, Tim, when you were hanging with Governor Jerry Brown, did he ever mention if Linda Ronstadtsang "You're No Good" when he was in the throes? Good luck, Tim. Say hi to Teddy.