A Clockwork Orange

Diary of a Mad County

MONDAY, June 24 The July issue of The Blade lands on our desk—not that we subscribe to Orange County and Long Beach's gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender newsmagazine, and not that there's anything wrong with subscribing—and we're shocked, SHOCKED! to find a full-page ad on page 9 from the subject of hard-hitting Weekly stories by senior editor R. Scott Moxley. Moxley has written about allegations made in a pending lawsuit that Dr. G. Steven Kooshian of Newport Coast gave bogus injections to at least one AIDS patient. After initially denying the allegations, Kooshian confirmed under oath that he did give the bogus injections, Moxley recently reported. (All of his stories on the controversial AIDS doctor are available in our online archives at www.ocweekly.com; type "Kooshian" in the search engine.) The curious thing about The Blade ad—where Kooshian says the Weekly coverage was "lacking in journalistic integrity and objectivity"—is that the doctor and his lawyers have been given ample opportunities to tell their side of the story to the Weekly. They've declined to go on the record. What's even curiouser is Kooshian demanding a retraction from us in an advertisement in a different publication! That's like demanding to see the manager at Wendy's so you can tell him you'll never eat at Burger King again. It goes without saying, but what the hell: we stand by our stories.

TUESDAY, June 25 The California Highway Patrol today unveils the latest addition to its fleet: 2002 Chevy Camaros that are sleek, sporty and faster than shit through sandpaper, topping out at 160 mph. Missing are the CHP logo, the lame two-tone paint job (like the U.S. Senate, these Cammies are all-white!), the shotgun barrel in the windshield, the push bumper on the front grill and the bulky light bar on the roof, which instead sports a thin, high-tech device that looks like a ski rack. Which begs the question: How are we supposed to know when it's okay to put the pedal to the metal on those deserted stretches of highway now? That's apparently the point of what the Chippies call their "stealth capability." Rubber had barely been burned when truckers got on their CB radios to dub the new CHP cruisers "ghosts," "Caspers," "polar bears," "Smokeys in a plain wrapper" and "Evel Knievel in a paper bag." 'Course, that coulda been the meth talking. You know, it's bad enough that we can't see these damn things coming; now Ponch and Jon will be getting all the chicks with their cool Cameros with fake ski racks. What's next? Aviator shades? Neatly trimmed mustaches? Bulge-revealing slacks? Damn! They've already got those going for them, too.
Illustration by Bob Aul WEDNESDAY, June 26 The National Federation of Independent Business(NFIB), a Washington, D.C.-based lobbying group for America's small businesses, faxes this diamond-encrusted Timex a ringing endorsement for the November re-election bids by Congressmen Christopher Cox(R-Newport Beach) and Ed Royce (R-Fullerton). Both are praised for consistently supporting mom-and-pop merchants. But NFIB regional political director Matt Garth should have done his homework before stating, "Cox and Royce are to Main Street what Merrilland Lynch are to Wall Street." Merrill Lynch is the investment firm that enticed Orange County's then-treasurer into risky investments, rewarded the bureaucrat with kickbacks and failed to disclose just how risky their scheme was right up to the moment OC's Board of Supervisors in December 1994 declared a $1.6 billion bankruptcy—the largest municipal fiscal fuck-up in U.S. history. Merrill Lynch was forced to cough up multimillion-dollar settlements stemming from civil and criminal proceedings tied to the bankruptcy. It would have been more accurate if Garth had compared Cox and Royce to Enron and Arthur Andersen, which have contributed to the lawmakers' previous campaigns.
THURSDAY, June 27 Long Beach-based public-relations firm Frank Groff Inc. sends us a press release with the headline, "Newport Beach Family Law Attorney Thrust Into National Spotlight." The release goes on to explain that Groff client John R. Schilling, a "celebrated family law attorney" (which is news to us, seeing as how we've never heard of any event celebrating an attorney), will serve as co-counsel to Newport Coast actress Tawny Kitaen in her divorce proceedings against ex-Angels, now-Indians pitcher Chuck Finley. Schilling is apparently handling the child custody portion of the looming media circus. One thing we don't get: being "thrust" into something implies that forces beyond your control put you someplace unexpected (usually against your will). But Schilling seems to be doing the thrusting by issuing not only a press release but also his photograph (seen here). Ah, well, that's show biz! FRIDAY, June 28 Green Party gubernatorial candidate Peter Camejo faxes this progressive timekeeper his proposal for closing the multibillion-dollar budget gap the Republicratsin Sacramento have saddled us with. Camejo would right the ship by: adopting single-payer health care (which he says would generate $4 billion yearly); reinstating the vehicle license fee ($3.5 billion); reinstating the highest income-tax brackets ($3.1 billion); legalizing and taxing the hell out of marijuana (up to $1.5 billion); amending Three Strikes and abolishing the death penalty ($200 million); eliminating tax breaks, loopholes and pork barrel spending that rewards polluters ($4.6 billion yearly or $23 billion over five years); and eliminating no-bid contracts and instituting real campaign-finance reform ("the sky's the limit," claims Camejo). All of these ideas are fair, easy to implement and the right thing to do, which means that—like Camejo in the November election—they don't stand a chance. SATURDAY, June 29 Members of Orange County Young Republicans(OCYR) help build a house in Santa Ana through Habitat for Humanity, the housing relief agency that's close to the heart and hammer of former non-Republican President Jimmy Carter. "Who says Republicans don't have hearts?" boasts OCYR in yet another fax sent our way this week. "The club regularly volunteers throughout Orange County, so their community service is nothing new. However, the club couldn't refuse once they discovered this new home site is located on Bush Street." Let's hope that, like the Bush back east, this one also got new plumbing today. By the way, after welcoming the grateful family to their new home, the youthful Reaganites disclosed they'd be the family's new slumlord and demanded a $1,500 security deposit or they're out on their keisters.
 
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