By On the occasion of our 20th anniversary
By Gustavo Arellano
By R. Scott Moxley
By Alfonso Delgado
By Courtney Hamilton
By Joel Beers
By Peter Maguire
By Charles Lam
So we should just close Disneyland on the Fourth of July?
Christ, have you people been paying attention?
With so many clues mentioning Disneyland—including the half-assed robbery at Disneyland Paris—al-Qaida obviously wants us to think that's the target. However, they are actually going to hit us at a place no one would ever expect: Knott's Berry Farm in Buena Park, whose security has barely been beefed up because, let's face it, no one's going to get that choked up if we lose Camp Snoopy. But the terrorists are all into symbolism, and Knott's has that replica of Independence Hall, the perfect July 4 target. Remember the al-Qaida spokesman advising America to fasten its seat belts? That was a sly reference to the Knott's patron who died last summer because her seat belt was not fastened on Perilous Plunge.
A final twist: Home Depot, the world's largest hardware and home-improvement chain, on June 18 instructed managers at its 1,400 outlets to refuse all business from the U.S. government—even if Uncle Sam pays with cash. That will make rebuilding the mostly wooden Knott's impossible. My proof? A lot of that Home Depot crap is made in China.