By Gustavo Arellano
By Aimee Murillo
By Matt Coker
By Vickie Chang
By Matt Coker
By LP Hastings
By Michael Goldstein
By R. Scott Moxley
TUESDAY, March 5 UFO Digest—the Art Bell of the print world—drops a bombshell: a day before Marilyn Monroe's "suicide," the CIA learned she was going to hold a press conference to tell all about a crashed spacecraft and dead bodies that John F. Kennedy mentioned to her. Our own Congressman Chris Cox (R-Newport Beach) requested a list of the government's covert extraterrestrial evidence, and included was a transcript based on a CIA wiretap of Monroe's bungalow, reports UFO Digest's Dirk Vander Ploeg. Up next for Cox: tracking down the parents of the Weekly World Newsmonkey boy.WEDNESDAY, March 6 TV cameras show gushing GOP gubernatorial nominee Bill Simon clasping hands with defeated rivals Richard Riordan and Bill Jones, but all is not well in Republicanville. Missing from the unity-breakfast podium are two candidates from Orange County—the most Republican county in the state—as both are filing lawsuits alleging the election was a sham. Clockwork failed to speak with Edie Bukewihge of Newport Beach, the only African-American woman in the race, but she e-mailed us to say, "The media was not informed properly, the California Republican Party and Central Committee [are] racist, and George W. Bush along with Bill Simon will see my wrath in court this Monday." Bukewihge was only outpolled by Simon, 1,048,013 to 13,329. We did get in touch with Huntington Beach's Nick Jesson (17,746 votes), whose suit claims he was the only candidate in California to take the proper oath. According to Jesson, various government codes and the state and U.S. constitutions require that candidates pledge they will not join entities that will overthrow the U.S., but this so-called "treasonous paragraph" has been illegally left off oaths since the early 1970s. So Jesson typed one up containing the right language, and just in case his lawsuit spurs candidates to go back and amend their oaths, Jesson got copies of their originals. He vows to serve papers to every candidate in every race in every party, including Gray Davis. "People need to be aware they are electing people who are not willing to take the oath," Jesson says. "If candidates are not willing to say they'll enforce that part of the Constitution, how do we know they'll enforce any of the Constitution?" THURSDAY, March 7 The media goes gaga over the potential for a Sanchez "sister act" in Congress. KTLA Channel 5's morning anchorman went so far as to report that OC labor leader Linda Sanchez won the Lakewood-area congressional seat and is headed to Capitol Hill to join her sister Loretta Sanchez (D-Garden Grove). Actually, both still must win in November, something the pundits have deemed a near certainty. But not everyone is elated. "Glenn," who resides in the district Linda Sanchez hopes to represent, writes on the anti-immigrant American Patrol website (www.americanpatrol.org) that California Democrat-controlled redistricting moved "patriot Republican" Congressman Ed Royce (R-Fullerton) out of the district and "now we may be getting an open borders, pro-Mexico representative!" Glenn recommends that voters view American Patrol's Aztlan video, which this tick tocker could not find at Blockbuster, even in the dusty clearance bin.
The Orange County Sanitation District board puts off a decision to use bleach to disinfect the 243 million gallons of sewage flushed daily into the ocean off Huntington Bleach, er, Beach. Board members want more study on what the $14 million bleaching plan would entail and whether there are any alternatives to Chloroxing Ma Ocean. In other words, they're waiting until local media attention goes away.FRIDAY, March 8 Florida wants the feds to let its cops arrest and detain undocumented immigrants for being undocumented immigrants, reports the Washington Times. For years, Anaheim beat cop/school trustee Harald Martin has been unsuccessfully trying to get that power granted to his beloved Anaheim P.D. If Florida succeeds, it would mark the first time state and local law enforcement have been granted the same authority as federal Border Patrol and Immigration and Naturalization Service officers. Can we trade Martin to Florida for two hatemongers to be named later? SATURDAY, March 9 A new survey finds that more than 50 percent of California homeowners would be willing to pay more for houses equipped with wind or solar technology. The survey, conducted for the California Energy Commission's Renewable Energy Program, also finds that more than 60 percent of homeowners would be more interested in pads that already have renewable energy systems installed vs. those that do not. More closet space would be nice, too.
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