Lost About Town

Id like to teach the world to grout

I spent the early evening trying an array of remedies (a handy hint: white vinegar can help make the affected area smell like vinegar and cat pee), but I finally draped the seats in black trash bags so wife Leslie and I could bear it long enough to get to the Baaba Maal show at the Irvine Barclay Theatre. Let me tell you that black-trash-bag seat covers are trs creepy: you feel like you're riding in the Randy Kraftmobile or something.

I hadn't been to the UC Irvine campus for a while, and I thought I had been flung into an alternate-universe UCI. The place was teeming with new construction; it was all but impossible to tell the campus apart from the burgeoning corporate parks adjacent. We finally found the Barclay, where I found that in my spray-addled state, I'd left my money in my wallet at home. We parked illegally and left the show early, weighing the chances of my car being ticketed against the chances of the majestic but somewhat monotonal Mr. Maal ever playing a song with more than one damn chord in it.

With cash in tow this time—money: ask for it by name!—we also recently headed to HB's Old World Village (there to dine at the splendid Paolo's Ristorante) and couldn't help noticing while there how very old world some of Old World is. You know those boards with oval holes in which you stick your face to appear amid the painted image of a traditional German lad or buxom maiden? Some scamp drew lightning-bolt SS insignia on the lederhosened guy's lapel something like a year ago, and no one at Old World is apparently bothered enough to remove it. They could at least grout it.

Did you know that some Home Depots are open 24 hours a day, the same number of hours in that Kiefer Sutherland show? How hip is that? The bars have closed? Can't sleep? Lonely? Go to Home Depot. I predict that 24-hour Home Depots will become the pickup spot of the decade, though I, personally, am going to be very careful to pronounce the L whenever I ask, "Do you know where I can get some caulk?"

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