I Could Fill Your Ear

Quotations from the files of the Reverend Lou Sheldon

They say obsession is the sincerest form of desire, which makes you wonder about Traditional Values Coalition (TVC) founder the Reverend Louis Sheldon. Whether Sheldon is talking himself or through his daughter, TVC executive director Andrea Lafferty, the man has only one thing on his mind. Can you guess what it is? Here's a hint: "Orange County is not the place to flaunt homosexuality," says Sheldon, who started out in Anaheim but now does most of his, um, work from an office in suburban Washington, D.C. What follows are random excerpts from the files of Reverend Lou.

If you ever want to hear about me and the homosexuals, I could fill your ear. It's in their homosexual papers and magazines—The[Washington] Blade, The Advocate. You can find anything you want—all you have to do is look in their want ads. When will the homosexual/pedophile assault against children stop? The CDC [Centers for Disease Control] should be spending its time on preparing this nation to deal with bioterrorist threats—not paying for fisting seminars or self-esteem seminars for homosexuals. [Democratic Senator Tom] Daschle has cultivated a down-home image when he's back in South Dakota. But he pursues a radical homosexual agenda as a legislator. This is not the first time I have been marked for death by the homosexuals, and it will probably not be the last. We strongly oppose the efforts of Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) to funnel federal Sept. 11 victim-compensation funds to the surviving sex partners of homosexuals who died in the September terrorist attack on our nation. According to homosexual activist organization web sites, fewer than 30 homosexuals died in the Sept. 11 attack. We have no mean spirit. We've learned to play hardball. Jesus played hardball. I remember very clearly when I was in elementary school and girls were just downright icky. You got cooties from them. You didn't want to touch them. That's all me. Having to do with homosexuals, that's all me. [Daschle's] loyalty to the Sodomy Lobby is becoming more and more obvious to those of us on the Hill. Nature repudiates the homosexual lifestyle. Homosexuals imitate heterosexual behavior. Step by step, homosexual activists are softening up public opinion on the issue of adult/child sex, which is euphemistically referred to in their publications as "intergenerational intimacy." ANDREA! Do we pay for our homosexual magazines? It will only stop when the public becomes outraged enough to put an end to homosexual recruitment programs in our public schools. Women cannot have sexual intercourse. The "intercourse" homosexuals practice is physiologically health-threatening. In one corner of the CDC, bureaucrats are cooking up new ways to spend tax dollars to fund bizarre sex acts. If you want a blowjob, they have ads for blowjobs right there. I feel sorry for a guy who can't lay [sic] with a woman. I know who gets my juices going. I know what turns me on. [Hillary Clinton] is obviously more at home among homosexuals and leftists than with firemen and policemen. Gender-identity conflict arises out of molestation of little girls and boys at young ages. I can remember when I was in junior high, when I could hardly take my hands off [girls]. In fact, that attraction is what must—is part of the beast. It [homosexuality] has to be refined, tamed, and brought into commitment and brought into love. Homosexuality is only an underdeveloped stage of heterosexuality. You know, there's an old saying: "Monkey see, monkey do." When President [George W.] Bush visits the CDC for a tour of its facilities on Thursday, he should ask CDC officials why they are spending millions of dollars funding fisting seminars for homosexuals and drag queen proms in San Francisco instead of using that money for modernization. This film [L.I.E.] will undoubtedly give encouragement to homosexual child molesters who will readily identify with Big John Harrigan. Men are analogous to the beast. All men are basically predators, and in every man, there is a little beast. Homosexuals have high incomes; they have high levels of education; they're owners of major credit cards. There was a survey done. This beast can only be tamed and civilized and brought into civility by a princess. And that princess has to do that in the bond of marriage in the marriage bed. You're not talking about poor people, homeless people living under a bridge. We're just trying to protect what is ours and has been ours. The San Francisco AIDS Foundation has spent CDC tax dollars on workshops showing men how to use sex toys and to awaken "full-body electric energy." [Daschle] appears to value the goals of the Sodomy Lobby more than the wishes of South Dakotans. L.I.E. is an infomercial for NAMBLA, and homosexuals and "sophisticated" film critics are applauding it. Two men cannot bond like a man bonds with a woman. We believe all men are created equal. All homosexuals can get driver's licenses. ANDREA! What's the homosexual's name in Defense? You should do a longer story about the homosexuals and me. They're always after me.

 
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