Menopausal, Bitter, Old, Deranged

Ladies and gentlemen, Roseanne! Just Roseanne!

To make them more docile, with larger penises. That would bring peace and stability to the planet. There. There's a joke for you. I don't have sex anymore. I want people to understand sex is grotesque, and people should stop having it so they can think clearly. Now that I'm a crone; I can read the future and do other amazing things instead of humping all day long. I'm more evolved. You should put in there that I do mindreading now, so if people want to know the future, they should think of a question.

Okay, here's one: Is there anything else I should have asked you and didn't?

No.

Roseanne performs at the Irvine Improv, Irvine Spectrum Center, 71 Fortune Dr., Ste. 841, Irvine, (949) 854-5455; www.improv.com. Fri., 8:30 & 10:30 p.m.; Sat., 7 & 9 p.m. $25. 18+.
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