Thinking About Tang

But headliner Chappelle—much-loved among the Irvine thug crowd for his movies Half-Bakedand, uh, probably some other ones about weed, too—was prepared to delight us, first whistling the theme to The Smurfs to capture OC's essence and then discussing, at length, his thesis that when people fuck animals, bad things happen. He was in the middle of the differences between the way white people and black people talk when someone in the back shouted out, "You're a goddamn dirty coon!" and then followed that up with, "Show me the money!" All the white people started yammering (especially those up front, who by this point felt they and Chappelle had a personal relationship), and from that point, nobody would shut up. Apparently, they had never so much as thought a prejudiced thing—at least not about those black people who are well-spoken, well-educated and funny. But Chappelle didn't want to see any white-on-white violence. "I might be the first black man to be called a coon in 40 years!" he declared almost happily, and he kept things light—except that by this time, everyone was drunk and ready to riot like it was 1965.

Fake Celebrity Spotting of the Week! On the way out of the Barnes & Noble into the surprisingly chic mall Friday night, I passed a man I thought was Ben Affleck but who thankfully wasn't. Affleck is so handsome and well-spoken and a born-and-bred Democrat who actually (just like Jena!) reads newspapers. He's also 100 percent charisma-free. There was a period in my life where I just didn't know what I would do if I had to pick between Affleck and his small buddy Matt Damon. But then I saw Bounce. Reindeer Games? Armageddon? It's so sad. Read along with the Girl: CommieGirl99@hotmail.com.