Naked Lunch

Illustration by Bob AulLefty extraordinaire Tom Hayden pulled a Loretta Sanchez on May 14 when he canceled—amid vehement criticism—a Los Angeles City Council campaign fund-raiser he'd scheduled at the offices of Larry Flynt's Hustler magazine. You'll recall the holy hell raised last summer when Sanchez, the Democratic congresswoman out of Garden Grove, scheduled a fund-raiser at Hugh Hefner's Playboy mansion. Like Hayden, she, too, caved. But to Sanchez's credit, she still pokes fun at "Bunnygate," showing up at a recent Washington, D.C., fund-raiser dressed as a bunny—not a Playboy bunny but an Easter bunny, complete with big ears and an oversized head. Not to be outdone, Hayden is reportedly shopping for a beaver costume.

YO, YO, LO PRO Hardcore gangbangers plying LA's mean streets have traded in their bandannas and baggy pants for shirts and slacks, reported the May 14 South Florida Sun-Sentinel, whose staffers apparently ran out of freaky shit to write about in their own state. Like that's possible. So why the new South-Central fashion statement? Because the state's gang-enhancement law tacks extra years onto sentences for gang-related crimes. As one former gangsta told the fish wrap, "Everyone's going 'low pro' [low profile]. You got a lot of homies just be wearing regular clothes. Baggy pants is out of style now. Man, that was like letting the police know." In a related story, Jehovah's Witnesses announced they'll now wear FUBU exclusively while canvassing your neighborhood.

ENDLESS BUMMER Eighty percent of the U.S. shoreline is eroding, San Clemente-based Surfrider Foundation concludes in its second-annual State of the Beach report, released on May 23. California got high marks for beach access, the number of surf spots, and the amount and availability of water-quality testing data. "Unfortunately, the coast is plagued with water-quality problems and a rapid increase in shoreline armoring that threatens the beach experience in the state," the report states. Shoreline armoring refers to the measures taken to protect private property at the expense of public beaches, such as creating bulkheads, sea walls and other man-made barriers. The only Orange County beach identified as threatened is Bolsa Chica, where a restoration project may result in coastal erosion and still more crappy water.

WE'RE READY FOR OUR CLOSEUP, MR. DEVILLE Orange County, an MTV Films production that's named after this Orange County and not Florida's or Texas' or New Jersey's, is apparently coming to a theater near you. Colin Hanks, Jack Black, Lizzy Caplan, John Lithgow, Catherine O'Hara, Harold Ramis and Lily Tomlin star. Director Jake Kasdan's credits include Zero Effect and TV's late, great Freaks and Geeks, which was produced by Mike White, who wrote the Orange County screenplay and has a small role in the comedy. No release date has been announced. According to www.upcomingfilms.com, Orange County tells the story of what a high school senior with a sterling academic record goes through to get into Stanford University after his guidance counselor accidentally submits the transcript of a complete loser. Someone's got us so pegged.

CONFIDENTIAL TO O.P. IN FV Don't look at us; he's your congressman. We only pitched Sammy "I Can't Drive 55" Hagar to the Department of Transportation for national highway safety because you-know-who got the Pentagon to enlist former Steely Dan/Doobie Brothers guitarist Jeff "Skunk" Baxter. Contact him with your idea to have Keith Richards shape Drug Enforcement Agency policy or help government scientists determine why only cockroaches and Richards will survive a nuclear holocaust. But nix '70s, Californian rock guitarist Waddy Wachtel for the Federal Department of Ugliest Motherfuckers Ever. That's just plain silly. He's busy touring with Stevie Nicks right now.

 
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