Sex Is Bad

What's my point here? None, I suppose. I just wanted to bum you out. What's sex without regret? I can't stand the thought of all you young people screwing away like rhesus monkeys on a tire swing without any sense of foreboding. Let me be the Ghost of Excess Future here and tell you that you are dealing with some serious stuff; that decades later, you might still be haunted by your good-time girl or guy's goodbye look; that the things you didn't do and ways you didn't connect may outweigh the wild things and ways you did. I'm not saying not to ---- anyone or even not to ---- ---- anyone because you might very well wake up next to some stranger you went to bed with and realize it's the love of your life. I'm just saying you might want to see what's on cable first.