Return to Sender

The year in really, realy bad music publicity photos and press releases

IT'S WANKER-RIFIC!

"PAPA ROACH ANNOUNCE HEADLINING MASTER BAY TOUR WITH (HED)PE AND LINKIN PARK"

WE'RE THIS DESPERATE

"Aussie band CURFEW want to be heard over the American airwaves. They are determined to be internationally recognized and will do just about anything to make that happen. On the 4th of December, they are setting up their sleeping bags outside of KROQ in Burbank and are staging a hunger strike. The strike will go for as long as it takes to get airplay."

THE MAN, THE MYTH

"He was born into a picturesque seaside village that no one ever gave thought to leaving and is now known in every corner of the globe. Yanni is, without a doubt, a musical phenomenon, one of those rare artists whose music defies borders and boundaries—whose music speaks to people of all races, all nations. And there is more than ample evidence to support such statements. How many artists have become the favored composer of every Olympic broadcast for the past decade? Or sold out New York's Radio City Music Hall for 10 dates? Or played in the shadow of the Taj Mahal, the Forbidden City and the Parthenon and toured all of China and more than 20 other nations? There is but one answer."

BUT THEY'RE STILL A BAD ALICE IN CHAINS RIP-OFF

"As Godsmack's pointed, personal songs make instantly clear, lead singer Sully Erna is not one to mince words. So when the front man states, in his firm Boston accent, that Awake will 'kick a new ass in this planet,' you'd better believe him."

HEARTWARMING

"Suzy K, the sexy, singing soccer mom from Orange County, California, has recorded a unique version of 'Happy X-Mas' that is both heartwarming and true to the song's original meaning. . . Suzy explains about the song, 'No matter what holiday you celebrate or what country you're from, we are still all the flowers of one colorful garden. Imagine if all the flowers in the world were only yellow. It would be a boring garden. Its beauty comes from its diversity and so does mankind. It's the tapestry of cultures and colors that make us rich, and yet we are all the same: human beings with families that we love. How can civilization advance if we don't accept this concept?'"

 
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