Shit People Sent Us

Bad news for elementary educators:
People can't count. (Hint: There are eight.) HOPE FOR FATSOSThe question of how to woo women has haunted men since the dawn of time. But now the answer is clear, thanks to recent research. Do women want to be romanced by Prince Charming? Surprisingly, the answer is no. A recent nationwide survey of women conducted by International Communications Research offers new hop for the nation's legion of couch potatoes: 80 percent of women say they could be romanced by a man who is less than perfect.

CORPORATE BRAIN FREEZEWith a distribution network that allows the company to roll out new products to thousands of stores almost overnight, 7-Eleven is in a strategic position to answer teens' quickly changing tastes. Generation after generation, teens have been uninterested in maintaining the status quo and serve as agents of change, the trendsetters. . . . Test stores showed immediate sales spikes, with the hottest-selling items being novelty key chains, body jewelry, temporary tattoos and bracelets. SOUNDS REMARKABLY LIKE WORKIf a hard-to-buy-for family member or friend is on your holiday shopping list, the search for a perfect present is now over. With SeaWorld's new Trainer for a Dayprogram, guests can shadow a killer whale and dolphin trainer, working side-by-side for an entire shift. . . . Not only will they get the exclusive opportunity of participating in training sessions and making a cameo appearance during a SeaWorld show, but they also will perform several non-glamorous behind-the-scenes activities like carrying fish buckets, preparing hundreds of pounds of animal food and stuffing ice-cold fish with vitamins. AND YOU STILL WON'T BE ABLE TO CHANGE YOUR OILIn this intensive workshop you will learn how to pull, change and replace programs on a genetic level. You will learn to work in Theta on all levels to assist others in creating their true selves. [The cost of this three-day workshop? $395.]