Magics Team!

This weeks featured NFL game: Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions

Green Bay update: Oh, boy, it's gonna be a cold one, that's for sure. Yep, it's gonna be cold, I'll betcha, huh?

Detroit update: The city is still reeling from the Aug. 29 fatal shooting by police of Errol Shaw —a deaf man wielding a rake. Though many have latched onto Shaw's handicap, others have pointed out that he was a danger to police, given that: (1) he was black, (2) he was a man, and (3) he wasn't currently dead when police came upon him. In racial-profiling terms, this is known as being a "three-time loser." Just two weeks later, Detroit police shot another African-American man to death. In fact, over the past decade, Detroit police have earned a reputation as the nation's trigger-happiest. Since 1987, Detroit cop shootings have cost the city $124 million in civil suits, or what the city of LA will pay in lunch reimbursements for attorneys litigating the Rampart scandal.

Green Bay update (deux): But I'll tell ya, you get a good house for the money, doncha? More house for the money than you'd get in California, doncha know? Lemme ask you: What would you do for heating oil? Wouldja kill? I'd kill, I'd betcha.

Shotgun formation: The National Rifle Association has urged calm in the wake of the Shaw shooting, restating its long-held position that instead of more gun regulations, government officials should concentrate on enforcing those laws regarding lawn equipment already on the books.

Green Bay update (whatever three is in French): Prostitution? Oh, sure, by golly. Black-market baby trade? What are they paying for 2-year-olds these days? Really? Is that before or after taxes?

Ground game: In an effort to divert attention from the Shaw shooting, police announced they had busted a multimillion-dollar rototiller ring with a street value of . . . Actually, a rototiller is of no value whatsoever on a street.

Consensus: We'll have to go with the godforsaken city where death awaits residents every time they step outside. Wait, that's both of them. Looks like we'll have to go with the tiebreaker: Which team will Magic Johnson root for? Though he likely appreciates the playmaking ability of Packer quarterback Brett Favre, Magic is from Michigan. Go Lions!

 
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