Excerpts: Part 1


Matt Coker, Last Gasp

April 26, 1996 Squeezing Disney and the Angels into the same lane does not herald a merger of complimentary corporate cultures. It sets up a high-speed, head-on collision between traditions that couldn't be less compatible. Somebody's going to get hurt. History says it's going to be the Angels. Karma suggests Disney has earned a major-league comeuppance, the likes of which only the Angels can deliver.

Dave Wielenga, "Avenging Angels: If there is a force capable of destroying Disney, it is the California Angels"

April 26, 1996 [N]othing can possibly compare with the empowerment of participating in a full-fledged riot, uprising, civic unrest—call it what you want. There is no feeling of power greater than that of a group of individuals who suddenly and without warning become an angry, inspired mob. Especially when (even if just for a flash) the authorities—be they the LAPD, Somoza's National Guard, the jailers of the Bastille or the British redcoats—are just sitting there, panicking, incapable of stopping what's happening. It comes in that instant when you realize order has broken down. That your actions could change the world. That history is reaching its hand out to you and, just for a second, you took it in your grasp. That you're on live fucking television. That you're so scared you should shit your pants.

Despite my fears, I had taken the torch and had done what made the most sense at the time. Like the riots, the flames quickly died. But history was made in downtown Los Angeles on April 29, 1992, and I was part of it. That's empowerment.

Nick Schou, "Burn, Maybe, Burn: The best story I never wrote"

May 10, 1996 The New Yorkers isn't a dog—it's Cerberus, the three-headed hound that guards the gates of hell. This musical shouldn't have been revived. It should have been quarantined, sterilized, locked in a satellite and launched into space. Next stop: the blazing heart of the sun.

Okay. Maybe it wasn't that bad. It just felt like that. There were some talented people onstage, some crackling one-liners, cool sets, a couple of decent songs and some lively direction and choreography. But it wasn't enough. Not even close. I'd rather have molten lead poured down my throat by a sexually frustrated gnome eunuch with a hateful fetish for theater reviewers than sit through this tripe again.

Joel Beers, "Something's Rotten in This Big Apple"

May 10, 1996 I'm certain beer's new trendy status began when the whiny-assed Harvard MBA started shilling Sam Adams on the radio. Does he sound like a beer drinker? Give me a break. Now beer is treated like fine wine, with people discussing "aroma" and "mouthfeel" for a beverage that makes you belch really loud.

Tom Vasich, "Where's the Beer? How brew was stolen from the working class"

May 31, 1996 Tonight, he will take a taxi to LAX—one of his friends is a cabdriver. He has meetings, he told me, set up with big, big Soho galleries. He asked me not to name them; he'd feel like an idiot if it didn't pan out. But when I called the most prominent of the galleries he'd mentioned, they'd never heard of Tommy Dougherty. He could have had a meeting with someone at the uptown branch, one gallery worker said—but it was closed in preparation for a gala.

Is Tommy Dougherty fact or fiction? Doesn't matter. His self-creation—call it Homage to Celebrity—is the work of art.

Rebecca Schoenkopf, "Tommy Boy: Fact or fiction?"

May 31, 1996 As for all the fuss over Metropolis losing its liquor license, relax. It was just for 10 days, and it ended on May 21. The slap on the wrist from Alcohol and Beverage Control (ABC) was the result of a go-go dancer grabbing her crotch last July. What, only Michael Jackson and Madonna can do that? Talk about the privileged class. The ABC didn't find this kind of behavior appropriate in a place that contains a restaurant. An end note: the ABC insisted that the male dancers on Metropolis' popular gay night are required to wear full briefs—no thongs. And no contact with the customers.

Where are the bloody chambers of commerce and pro-business groups that are constantly yelling about government intrusion when you need them? Hello, is this thing on?

Rose Apodaca Jones, La Vie en Rose

June 7, 1996 Jack [Grisham of T.S.O.L.] on fake punkers: "I have seen so-called punk bands that are as far from punk as anything in the world. They've got their backstage area that nobody can come in; they need this, they need that, they need these towels, they need these monitors. It's like, "Fuck you, Journey—get over it!' One of those bands, I went in their dressing room, pulled down, and just took a shit on their floor."

Rich Kane, "Quotations From Chairman Jack: A punk legend explains it all for you"

June 21, 1996 "Where are you from?" the man asked.

"Orange County," I said. I should have known better. He took a drink and looked me in the eye. "That's too bad," he snickered and disappeared into the party.

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