Excerpts: Part 1


Sept. 15, 1995 I haven't polled my co-Weekers on this, but to me, our chief order of business is to try desperately not to be boring, to instead produce the sort of publication we ourselves would be excited to discover in our community, one we'd look forward to reading every week. And what I'm always looking for is something to help face these times with humor, truth and new hope for the wretched.

Jim Washburn, Lost in OC, our inaugural issue

Dec. 1, 1995 Batman vs. Captain America

Roy Englebrecht, fight promoter: Batman has a good jaw. Captain America has a big heart, and he's long on stamina. If Captain America can make this thing go long, he wins. Batman has got to get to Captain America early. If not, I look for a decision for Captain America. The shield later on, I think, will be too much for Batman. Dave Lipscomb, comic-store clerk: Batman would win. Captain America has got him pinned down in the strength department, but Batman is a better fighter because he knows every martial art in the world. Batman can't defeat Captain America physically, but he can do it psychologically because Captain America is pretty much a two-fisted guy. Steve Lowery: I like Batman because he's a loon. Everything reminds him of his dead parents—roses, clocks, steaks medium-rare—so he's not a well-balanced machine. This would usually be a positive windfall for a fighter, but Batman is sworn not to kill so, by definition, he can never knock Captain America totally out. Would Captain America kill? People, he works for the government. If Captain America doesn't win, he at least puts a lien on the Batcave. Steve Lowery, "Clash of the Titans"

Dec. 8, 1995 One night on a New Orleans curbside, my friends and I developed the blueprint for a restaurant —our restaurant. This would be no ordinary place; it would take the worst elements of dining out and market them as fun! The service would be rude and ignorant; the menu would feature primarily meat; the food would be bad; the music would be loud and annoying. Generally, Buffalo Fatty's Accelerator Lounge—the name we chose—would provide the most unpleasant, uncomfortable dining experience for your dollar. And we'd serve lots of booze. We knew we had a hit.

But it's time to rethink our plan. I went to Sid's last week and had Buffalo Fatty flashbacks. How did the idea get out? Except for rude service (it was slow and uninformed, but not rude), Sid's is everything we wanted in Buffalo Fatty's. But there's a big difference: Buffalo Fatty's was a joke.

Tom Vasich, "Sid Come Home: Your restaurant needs you"

Dec. 15, 1995 Now an attorney practicing bankruptcy law, of all things, [Donald] Segretti emerged suddenly last week to file candidacy papers to run for the Orange County Superior Court. Just as suddenly, he dropped out a few days ago. The local Republican establishment, represented by the influential Lincoln Club, was ecstatic about his candidacy, characterizing Segretti, according to Daily Pilot reporter Evan Henerson, as an "excellent lawyer and patriot."

"Only in America," said OC developer and Lincoln Club patron Buck Johns. No, Buck: only in Orange County.

Mark Petracca, Man Bites Dogma

Dec. 22, 1995 [T]he two occasions I caught Representative Christopher Cox (R-Newport Beach) on the show drove me to ask [Politically Incorrect host Bill] Maher:

Is Chris Cox a puppet head or what?

"Well, I never speak ill of the guests on the show."

Then the same goes for Bob Dornan?

"Now him I will speak ill of. He's just a nut. When he was on, he was just out of control. I think Al Franken and Sam Donaldson were on the same show, and someone said, 'Excuse me, Congressman, a little decorum; there's a comedian on the panel.'"

Would he have O.J. on as a guest?

"Sure, if he wouldn't fucking stab me."

Matt Coker, "A Political Target: Bill Maher takes an incorrect approach to humor"


Jan. 12, 1996 "I've been an abject failure," Tom Rogers said as we drew a bead on a mile-long arching bridge.

"No you haven't. . . ." I began, but his ironic laugh cut me short. He motioned toward the thoroughfare. "Shit, just look."

Under construction at the intersection of the San Joaquin Hills toll road and the San Diego Freeway near San Juan Capistrano, the bridge angled north through carved-up terrain. Into the distance, asphalt snaked through housing tracts and countryside. Running 15.5 miles and $800 million from where we stood to Irvine, the location of the toll road is the prize of a decades-long war. The victors? Corporate superpowers, chief among them the Philip Morris Co., purveyor of Marlboro, Benson & Hedges, and Parliament cigarettes; buyout owner of Miller beer and General Foods (famous for such delectables as Kool-Aid, Jell-O, Maxwell House Coffee and Bird's Eye frozen foods); and, lest we forget, proprietor of the Mission Viejo Co.

"What they learned in the cigarette business," Rogers concluded, "they brought to real estate."

Nathan Callahan, "Tobacco Road: Thanks to Philip Morris, you will soon own a toll road you never asked for"

Jan. 19, 1996 OC Weekly: One last question: Have you ever been to Orange County, and if so, what were your impressions?

R. Crumb: Orange County is a vortex of evil. I really believe that—the place is an evil place. I think the whole Southern California thing from LA on down is a very evil place. I spent some time down there visiting about five years ago in this town called Oceanside that I used to live in as a kid. . . . You lived in Oceanside?
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