Photos by Jeanne RiceThanks to global warming, oceans will rise over the next several centuries, creating a new coastline inland. We tried to ask people if they had made any plans for this, but most of them were very mean, especially at the Clubhouse, which has terrific food but the people sitting at the bar are complete jerks who think they're famous golfers or something and treated us like telemarketers. We hate those guys. So anyway, the question was, "Have you made any plans for this?"
Angela Suchey, clerk, Orange County Museum of Art store, South Coast Plaza, Santa Ana: "No, I haven't made any plans." Do you have a boat? "No, I don't have a boat." Could you make some plans up real quick? "Ha hah ahahahahahah!" Have you done anything? Have you bought a fan? "No, I haven't bought a fan." Do you have air conditioning in your car? "Yes." What kind of car is it? "A Toyota Tercel." Didn't Monique Powell used to work here? "Yes."
Gustavo Lara, window washer, South Coast Plaza: "No." Do you have a surfboard? "No."
Ken Garmany, Laguna Beach: "I live two blocks from the beach, but 500 feet up." So you live in the part of Laguna with all the beautiful bougainvillea? "Yes, it is beautiful. We have deer in the back yard. We have raccoons and possum running across the roof." [writing] Did you say raccoons? "Yes. What does that have to do with global warming?" Do you have air conditioning in your car? "Yes: I drive with the top off."
Dav Freuhe, graphic designer, Hermosa Beach: "I think global warming is like when you're the last guests at the party and the host is trying to get rid of you, but you're kind of drunk and keep hanging out and just refusing to go home, and the host's hints get broader and broader, and then they're not hints anymore, but you still don't really get it. Um, in that analogy, the Earth would be the party host." I got that. Is that cookie good? "Yeah."
Pat Sweetland, Budweiser man, Newport Beach: "Sweetland because I'm sweet." Do you have any plans for when the oceans rise sometime within the next few hundred years? "No." Do you have flood insurance? "No." You should probably get some! Do you have a boat? "Yes, I have a ski boat!" Do you know what else you should get? One of those airplanes with runners on the bottom, like they had on Fantasy Island! "Jimmy Buffett has one of those! I went to his concert last week; he was flying it around before the show!" No shit? "Yeah! Hey, this isn't gonna get me in trouble at all, is it? One time I was at the beach with my daughter, and this guy from the Daily Pilot took our picture, and I said, 'Hey, man, could you not put when this was because I'm supposed to be at work right now,' and so in the newspaper, it said, 'Shhhh!'" That's terrible! Goddamn Daily Pilot! "I know!" Can we take your picture? The people in the Clubhouse were really mean! "Sure!"