Chill With Hill

Illustration by Bob Aul In a Jose Cuervo Especial Gold Tequila survey of 500 Americans of legal drinking age, first lady and would-be New York senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was cited as the politician most people would like to party with, it was reported on April 25. The nearest challenger to Hill, who received 44 percent of the overall vote, was Congresswoman Mary Bono (R-Palm Springs) with 24 percent. Ross Perot got 23 percent (or more than double his percentage of presidential votes), and Bill Clinton finished fourth. Lagging far behind were Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Massachusetts) and former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry. That might seem surprising until you consider that most Americans have already partied with Kennedy and Barry.

COLD-BLOODED Fullerton attorney Linda K. Ross on April 22 filed a libel lawsuit against a yellow-pages directory company that allegedly listed her under "Reptiles." Ross, who is seeking $100,000 in damages, reportedly claims the error in at least one GTE Directories Sales Corp. book has held her up to ridicule from newspapers, The Tonight Show's Jay Leno, and pranksters prone to making "hissing sounds" when she walks by. Linda, why are you being so thin- (and scaly-) skinned about this? At least you weren't listed under "Sharks."

QUARTERBACK SNEAK In the latest of many brushes with the law, former Mater Dei/Capo Valley/USC/Raiders quarterback Todd Marinovich was arrested on April 25 on suspicion of sexual assault. He was taken into custody at the practice facility of the Arena Football League's Los Angeles Avengers, the latest team Marinovich has latched on to in a desperate attempt to return to the NFL. The poor bastard obviously didn't realize the sexual-assault arrest is supposed to come after the return to the NFL.

DEAD MAN HAWKING Phillip Guyett Jr., who formerly headed the willed bodies program at Western University of Health Sciences in Pomona, pleaded guilty to embezzlement on April 26 in connection with the theft of a donated cadaver. In October 1999, Guyett was accused of selling a donated university stiff to Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa for $1,100 and pocketing the money. That surely propels Guyett past Christopher S. Brown on the Creep-O-Meter. Brown, the ex-director of the UC Irvine medical school's willed bodies program, was only investigated for selling seven spines.

WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' BADGES Actor Steven Seagal has applied to become a reserve deputy with the Orange County Sheriff's Department, The Orange County Register reported on April 26. Seagal, who is among more than 170 applicants for an OC badge undergoing a background check, tried last year to join a Los Angeles County sheriff's reserve program for executives and celebrities. Unfortunately, that detail was suspended after two reservists were arrested. The Above the Law star's quest to pack heat and carry a badge brings back memories of Elvis Presley trying to get a federal drug-fighter badge from then-President Richard Nixon. When you think about it, Seagal has much in common with the since-departed Presley: martial arts, an inflated ego, comfortable clothing (preferring silk jammies to the King's jump suit and cape), a string of incredibly crappy movies and—from the looks of it lately—fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches at midnight. Clockwork has been unable to confirm a rumor we just made up about Seagal's first case being to bring down that menace to Newport Beach society, Dennis Rodman. Wonder who will play them in the movie?

YOU WANT FRANKENFRIES WITH THAT? McDonald's has pulled genetically modified potatoes out of its French-fry fryers and quietly told suppliers to stick to the traditionally grown variety, The Wall Street Journal reported on April 28. Swell. But we still want to know how the hell Mickey D's fries taste so much better than everyone else's—especially right as you pull out of the drive-through.

In a Jose Cuervo Especial Gold Tequila survey of 500 Americans of legal drinking age, first lady and would-be New York senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was cited as the politician most people would like to party with, it was reported on April 25. The nearest challenger to Hill, who received 44 percent of the overall vote, was Congresswoman Mary Bono (R-Palm Springs) with 24 percent. Ross Perot got 23 percent (or more than double his percentage of presidential votes), and Bill Clinton finished fourth. Lagging far behind were Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Massachusetts) and former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry. That might seem surprising until you consider that most Americans have already partied with Kennedy and Barry.

 
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