Sexless in the City

I think its just the way Orange County is

The Web site for the World Sex Guide (www.worldsexguide.com) describes itself as "a research project about prostitution worldwide." Unlike sites dedicated to research at UC Irvine or Johns Hopkins, however, this one features a banner ad for Penthouse and Youngsluts.com.

The World Sex Guide offers (ahem) blow-by-blow descriptions of prostitution around the globe. Contributors are referred to as "anonymous volunteer researchers." Though the details they provide the Web site might suggest they're disturbingly horny johns, there's no reason to assume they're not also engaged in serious scientific research.

Poring over the reviews of Orange County gives you something of a crash anthropology course on the state of prostitution in our little buttoned-down oasis. Reading entries that span five years—from 1995 to January 2000—you discover that whoring once thrived around John Wayne Airport, until police crackdowns sent the world's oldest profession to the area around the Happiest Place on Earth. Subsequent police sweeps there sent streetwalkers down Harbor Boulevard in Anaheim into Garden Grove, and then Santa Ana, and then Costa Mesa.

Indeed, it's apparent the heat on the streets got so intense around 1996 to 1997 that prostitution was mostly driven indoors, into massage parlors and tanning booths and "pain-relief" centers, where, according to these nookie-needing Netizens, "full service" does not involve deep-tissue work, an array of sunblocks or aromatherapy.

You find out that before the arrival of the Weekly's ripping adult advertising section in 1995, it was The Orange County Register classifieds that were universally cited by researchers as the source for finding potential sin. That's right, potential sin. The Register and the Weekly make it clear to advertisers that all goods and services they pitch must be legal.

Thus, many World Sex Guide researchers—who, we couldn't help but notice, cited Register adult ads over the Weekly's 10 to 1—felt they were "ripped off" by escorts and massage parlors they learned about in the fish wraps. Why? Because escorts showed up at their doors to do nothing more than, well, escort. They encountered girls at massage parlors who only gave massages—and only of parts of the customers' bodies that weren't throbbing. "Full service" was not part of the deal.

Sadly, the research makes it clear that for the most part, OC is viewed as a moonscape when it comes to getting your rocks off. Extensive police sweeps, spooked massage workers and an industry taken over by non-English-speaking immigrants are the most commonly stated reasons for our flaccid industry. If you're a businessman here on a layover, your days of getting laid may be over.

"Due to the current plans to develop the entire Anaheim/Buena Park area into a family resort, most if not all the 'grown-up' fun has been pushed back to the cities of Newport Beach and as far away as Downey," one poster wrote on Jan. 4. "I have heard of, and personally experienced, nothing good from the storefronts or individual girls working in and around the resort area and heard nothing less than paranoia and complete rip-off scams from Newport and other beach communities."

Finding the ever-changing hot spots can be confusing, according to another poster.

"You knew things were a bit different in Orange County when you arrived at your departing airport," he wrote. "Your luggage was marked 'SNA' (Santa Ana). The airline receptionist asked, 'You are flying to Orange County today?' As you landed, the flight attendant said, 'Welcome to John Wayne Airport, where the time is . . .' Look around as you leave the airport. The airport is located in Costa Mesa. The road in front of the airport is located in Irvine on the north side and Newport Beach on the south side."

Those who have managed to find fun in the great outdoors generally cite Beach or Garden Grove boulevards.

"One girl I fucked was from a halfway house in the area," wrote one happy camper, who bragged that the woman let him at her "without a rubber" and it only cost him $20. Lucky guy!

But for the most part, the street scene seems dead.

"OC cities have way too many patrol cars, and they check cars," warns a researcher. "Residential areas are bad, too: well-lit with lots of people who take walks, even in the wee hours. Your best bet is to skip the $40 BJ and go for $100 full service in a motel. Rooms run around $30. Don't let her pick the room even if she says she has one. Ask her to show you something a cop would not. Anything other than a quick boob flash means LEAVE NOW!"

Another poster agrees: "The Orange County police have killed off the business. Bellflower is right outside the county and has a good street scene. Inside OC, your best bet is massage parlors. What is nice about them is that if you find one that doesn't offer full service, you are only out $40 and you get a nice massage for your money."

Most researchers preferred parlors run by recent Asian immigrants. Just last month, a researcher went to a Fountain Valley establishment where the Asian woman putting her hands all over him quickly made her way to his groin. "She asked if I wanted a blowjob or full service for $100." He opted for both "in a few different positions" before she used her hand to finish him off "with lotion."

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