Art by Bob AulYou're the guy I delayed for two whole seconds while crossing the street on my bicycle, the guy who pulled the cigarette from his mouth long enough to shout out the window in your best Valleyspeak, "Dumbass!" I wasn't crossing at a bad time: I had a green light in my direction, and you were turning. If I had been driving, you would have been expected to yield the right of way. But since I was on a BICYCLE, you felt that I deserved your rage. After all, at 10:45 on a Tuesday morning, as you exited the local shopping center, I'm sure you were on your way to something very important. The only way I could have been MORE annoying is if I'd been WALKING. Then I might have held you up even longer while ambling across the street. You know, the way things are going, you might WELCOME anyone not driving, since that means one fewer car in your way. Sadly, you probably aren't able to read this, if I am any judge of character. But there is some satisfaction in knowing you smoke, since you will probably die a lingering, miserable, agonizing death.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!" c/oOC Weekly, P.O. Box 10788, Costa Mesa, CA 92627-0247, or e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.