Guilty Pleasures

1201-1299

1286 I didn't buy the overstuffed, Art Deco chair because it cost more than my monthly rent.

1287 But I have never coveted a thing the way I covet that chair whenever my ass really hurts for a piece of arton which to rest its weary self.

1288 "From the beginning of man's creation, the male has been the breadwinner, and for many centuries, that's the way it has successfully remained until some overbearing woman got the notion that she and all her 'sisters' should have all the 'goodies' that men have. Put women back into the home with their children and allow men to remain king of the household." Letter to the Register, Jan. 26, 1996.

1289 The annual vintage car show-and the authentic, decades-old finds-at Front End vintage clothing. 324 Old Newport Blvd., Newport Beach, (949) 642-4720.

1290 Making out in the Fullerton Arboretum, a romantic tangle of exotic and domestic plants whose stamens and pistils shout out-to the extent that plants scream when you're not cutting them-"Sex!" Cal State Fullerton, 800 N. State College Blvd., Fullerton, (714) 278-2011.

1291 Heh, heh, heh. Bush. Heh, heh, heh.

1292 Angels radio announcer Mario Impemba, whose be-true-to-your-broadcasting-school style-steroidically deep voice, hypnotically shallow approach-never wavered throughout the club's most horrible season. Impemba's impeccable golden throat never gave an inkling of all the choking and gagging taking place on the field and in the stands. This kind of professionalism conjures up comparisons to . . . well, to Brian Barnhart, the Angels' other radio announcer. In fact, they sound so much alike that maybe it's Barnhart we're thinking of. Hmmm. No, no, it is Impemba-we're sure. Pretty sure, anyway-although, to tell you the truth, we haven't really thought very highly of any Angels announcer since Dick Enberg. But Impemba . . . or Barnhart -hell, either of them, both of them, whatever-is preferable to the Angels' TV announcers, Steve Physioc and Rex Hudler. There's no question about that.

1293 Not making out-at least not whilst reclining-on the more arid grounds of the Irvine Arboretum at UCI.

1294That is, unless you're into that sort of thing.

1295Referring to people not from Orange County as "310 drug addicts."

1296An early morning jog past the sagebrushand lemonade-berry shrubs in Barham Ranch in the Anaheim Hills. A little more than 525 acres, the "ranch" is nothing more than steep hillsides and plunging canyons. It's said that the bandit Joachim Murrieta used to sit atop Robber's Roost overlooking Barham Ranch, waiting for the stagecoaches to pass through what is now called Weir Park. True or not, were Murrieta alive today, he'd see the ranch hasn't changed at all: the land, the brush, the animals are all as Murrieta left them more than a century ago. Few other areas in the county can make that claim. Of course, now that the developer SUNCAL plans to grade the hillsides and drop 300 lavish homes into the ranch, all that might change.

1297Waiting at the stoplight at the corner of PCH and Main in Huntington Beach: get there first, and you can watch valets park cars at Duke's, people eager to cross to the beach and people just as eager to leave it, people looking cool, not one but two surf shops (Jack's and Huntington Beach Surf & Sport), and a fountain.

1298 At a time when corporations use the symbols of radical culture to sell everything from spit to kids' breakfast cereals, the Frog Houseremains a cozy local surf shop that hasn't fallen for corporate-hyped extreme-sports marketing tactics. 6908 W. Pacific Coast Hwy., Newport Beach, (949) 642-5690.

1299 Crystal Cove State Park, where bottlenose dolphins surf and birth in this safe zone. Nevertheless, will the development of hotels and the Newport Coast threaten their way of life?

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