Guilty Pleasures

201-300

231 The shark fajitas at Señor Ruben's in Fountain Valley. They're especially muy bueno with a frosty-mugged Tecate. 11035 Warner Ave., Fountain Valley, (714) 531-4909.

232 The Sawdust Festival. Sure, it's overly commercialized, but you can spend hours there being entertained without spending a dime. Except for the entry fee. And a beer. And lunch. And a toe ring. And . . . 935 Laguna Canyon Rd., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-3030.

233A season's pass for the Sawdust Festival because it's only a little more than a single-day admission ticket, and it'll give you a good excuse to return again with more money so you can actually buy something-even though you know in the back of your head it's doubtful you'll come back.

234 Being okaywith that.

235 The sultry voice of GOPactivist Kelly Beiber as she masquerades as a hairy Darnel Squad member and whispers obscenities at us on the telephone, then calls us a "vulgar little man." Thank you, mistress; might we have another?

236Japanese DeerPark in Buena Park . . . oh, yeah, it's not there anymore.

237Edwards South Coast Village Theater, one of the few places in OC to catch art flicks and the only place to see them in modern triplex comfort. 1561 W. Sunflower, Santa Ana, (714) 540-0594.

238 Myth and Reality in Western Films, the guiltiest pleasure on the curriculum at Golden West College, is a class in which you earn college credit for watching Shane.

239 The episode of Strangers With Candy, the Comedy Central television show-available free from your better cable carriers!-in which Principal Onyx Blackman says it should come as no surprise that a black man could be dressed in a squirrelsuit.

240The bread with honey butter at the Laguna Beach Brewing Co.

241California AlligatorFarm in Buena Park . . . oh, yeah, it's not there anymore.

242 Finishing the front section, metro, sports and half of the business page as you meander through the 5 freeway construction-the largest condemnation project in the history of Caltrans.

243Trader Joe's at 18681-A Main St., Huntington Beach, (714) 848-9640.

244 The big wooden ceilingin the Starbucks/Wells Fargo bank on the Orange Circle. 101 E. Chapman Ave., Orange, (714) 973-3850.

245 Applying for a loan at the Starbucks/Wells Fargo bank while someone sits behind you in a high-backed chair sipping an espresso.

246 Staring at that giant cube thingy outside the Taco Bell Discovery Science Center while listening to Stan Ridgway's "Don't Box Me in."

247 Kingdom of the Dancing Stallions in Buena Park . . . oh, yeah, it's not there anymore.

248 Coffee and a Denver omelet at 4 a.m. on Harbor House Café's back patio. 34157 Pacific Coast Hwy., Dana Point, (949) 496-9270.

249 A degree in American studies from Cal State Fullerton.

250 The strange people who emerge from the Harbor House at 4 a.m.

251 Trader Joe's at 30652 Santa Margarita Pkwy., Rancho Santa Margarita, (949) 888-3640.

252The Santa Ana Zoo: two squirrels and a drugged-up monkey! 1801 E. Chestnut Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 835-7484.

253The doleful look on the monkey's face as he's being spanked in a very businesslike way in an ad for adult-toys purveyors Spanky's.

254A quick death from an earthquake under the shoddy overpasses at the Orange Crush.

255 Movie-dialogue graffiti in the bathroom at Captain Blood's Village Theatre. 1140 N. Tustin Ave., Orange, (714) 538-3545.

256Watching Republican activist and TV commentator Hugh Hewitt quickly switch from Earnest Sympathizer to Brass-Knuckled Propagandist. Like much in nature, the metamorphosis is beautiful and terrifying.

257Chapman University's Liberty Plaza: Who wouldn't love a lone chair on a mound overlooking a chunk of the Berlin Wall?

258The yummy, gooey, artery-clogging Cuban sandwich at Felix's. 36 Plaza Square, Orange, (714) 633-5842

259 Warren G, the best hip-hop artist in OC-he lives in Laguna Niguel-who's turned out to be the most talented, most successful of the rappers who came out of Long Beach in the mid-1990s.

260The signs around the Orange Circle that read, "Caution-Trees Dripping Sap."

261Suggestions for something similar hung around Jim Silva.

261The Golden Bear in Huntington Beach . . . oh, yeah, it's still not here anymore.

262 Infant swappingat St. Joseph's Hospital. Yeah, it's risky, but maybe you'll get a future billionaire instead of John Wayne Gacy III.

263Ditto at UCI Medical Center.

264The fountain in the Noguchi California Scenario that suggests the aridity of Orange County, the centrality of water and the brevity of life in a desert. Or maybe it's just water.

265The ritual sacrifice of small, cute fuzzy animals by myriad OC developers. Who needs Santariaor crush videos?

266The Beach Report Card compiled by Heal the Bay at www.healthebay.org.

268As you read this-unless your copy of the paper was buried in a time capsule and you're reading this in a museum-an aspiring DJ is putting together her next hit at Dr. Freecloud's Mixxing Lab, a dance-music lover's paradise of turntablism, vinyl and expert assistance. 145 E. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 650-0909.

269 The Laguna Poets Chapbook series by Inevitable Press, which at press time has published 148 collections of poetry by SoCal poets in less than three years, averaging three books per month. Wow.

270 Christina Valdiviezo, who runs the campaign-disclosure section at the county's Registrar of Voters. She's bright, friendly and always helpful in locating public records-qualities rarely found in a county bureaucrat.

271 Star RanchSanctuary: smell sage, see gnatcatchers flitting about. 100 Bell Canyon Rd., Trabuco Canyon, (949) 858-0309.

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