Guilty Pleasures


201 Café Zinc's nutmeg-infused version of mac and cheese-oozing with Parmesan, fontina, white Cheddar and goat cheese-transforms the dish from white trash to Royal White Trash. 350 Ocean Ave., Laguna Beach, (949) 494-6302.

202 The Earth System Science faculty at UCI. F. Sherwood Rowland, father of ozone-depletion research and Nobel Prize winner, is there, as are Don Blake, university chancellor Ralph Cicerone, researcher Susan E. Trumbore and others. They ought to have their own Saturday-morning cartoon in which they fly around in one-piece suits and kick the hell out of polluters.

203 Trader Joe's at 2500 E. Imperial Hwy., Brea, (714) 257-1180.

204 Grant's for Guns: enough ordnance to bring Charlton Heston to climax. Twice! 1750 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 645-3400.

205 The best food at the Anaheim Pond is two blocks away at the fast-frying Burger Boy. The burgers are weird and chaotic (bacon, avocado and onion?), but we like the fajitas best. You can't go wrong with Mexican at a California burger joint. 1650 S. State College, Anaheim, (714) 938-0222.

206 Shred betties!

207 Forget the ancient, life-affirming discipline of martial arts. Tom Wish teaches people how to handle the kinds of belligerent pricks who make clubbing an extreme sport. Tommy's Gym, 1638A Placentia Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 631-7303.

208 Speaking of beatings, boy, do we miss bitter, defeated ex-Congressman Robert K. Dornan.

209 Good news: Dornan is set to challenge Ron Packardfor his South County congressional seat.

210 "Imagine that we as a society put people to death for repeating a criminal offense for the third time-graffiti, theft, rape, all crimes! No exceptions. Can anyone think of a downside to this approach? I can't." Letter to the Register, Dec. 3, 1993.

211You missed out on the savory taste of Dodo bird. Don't let swordfishsink into extinction before you enjoy a plate at Villa Nova. Nobody prepares the dwindling feast better than this venerable red-leather, piano-barred, just-this-side-of-old-money place with tourist-friendly views of Newport Harbor. 3131 W. Coast Hwy., Newport Beach, (949) 642-7880.

212 The pagansat Cal State Fullerton, who keep legions of proselytizing Christians off the streets, where (God forbid) they might get hit by cars.

213 Downtown Santa Ana.

214 Russellof Russell Surfboards, whose shaping skills made his shop the beach equivalent of a Renaissance studio in the 1960s and 1970s. He taught many of today's best shapers how to handle the foam, fiberglass and resin. He's older and a hell of a lot wiser now; each of his boards is worthy of the Orange County Museum of Art. 2280 Newport Blvd., Newport Beach, (949) 673-5871.

215 Cal State Fullerton pagansII: watching them get to class through gauntlets of "outreach" Christians handing out fliers with dumb cartoons of Bart Simpson and pay attention to lectures despite the distraction of countless Bible-study promotions is inspirational proof that a college education is available to anybody who's willing to work for it.

216 The Monticellofaçade at the new First American Financial Corp. building off the 55 freeway at MacArthur.

217 Army-Navy store in Orange, where you can get high-powered rifles, kiddie camouflage, posters of a strutting Prussian officer with the caption "This Is the Enemy," and dog tags. 131 S. Glassell St., Orange, (714) 639-7910.

218 Old downtown Tustin.

219 Martin Diedrich, who has been booted upstairs-he's now called Chief Coffee Officer-and who swears to God he's happy with the Starbucksification of Diedrich Coffee. We're happy he's happy, although the turn of events is not unlike watching your sweet child grow up into a corporate raider. But there's no denying that Diedrich single-handedly kick started the local coffeehouse scene in the 1980s, providing searing, earthy javas to those of us waiting around for the day when the Weekly would fill up our vacant lives.

220 Better news: Dornan's family is floating rumors that it's not Packard they're running against, but rather Dana Rohrabacherfor the Huntington Beach congressional seat.

221 Cal State Fullerton pagansIII: their determinedly unsaved souls have provided Curly Dalke with something to do while waiting to meet his maker, which is why he has been standing on the corner by the library and preaching every day for more than a dozen years.

222 Trader Joe's at 24321 Ave. de la Carlota, Laguna Hills, (949) 586-8453.

223 Pretending you're not in the middle of civilization by hiking through Aliso and Wood Canyons Park.

224 Juaneño Indians learned to live gently in Mother Orange County, gathering nuts and berries in a harsh land. Fat lot of good it did them when the Spanish showed up in the 1770s with iron and Bibles. Or maybe it was iron Bibles.

225 Old downtown Fullerton.

226 Where I want to live if I hit the lottery: a waterfrontpad in Laguna Beach.

227Okay, forget that, this is really where I want to live if I hit the lottery: the hillsabove Fullerton.

228 Screw those last two because the place I want to live if I hit the lottery is definitely the Floral Park area of Santa Ana.

229 The flashing time-and-temperature sign atop the Bankers Mortgage building on Main Street in Santa Ana sure is handy, even if the people inside may be preparing to foreclose on my ass.

230 Kari Barba. She has been awarded Best Tattooist of the Year, Most Outstanding Tattoo Artist and Best Overseas Tattooist, and she's registered as an expert on tattoing with the Los Angeles County Judicial System. And she has cool spiky hair. Outer Limits Tattoo, 3024 W. Ball Rd., Anaheim, (714) 744-8288; 125 N. Tustin Ave., Orange, (714) 744-8288.

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